Pain in the Ass Dad Ruins it for Everyone

Pain in the ass dad ruins it for everyoneA 40-year old director, cinematographer and father attached a camera to a Thai-food takeout container and a weather balloon and successfully launched it 100,000 feet into the upper reaches of the atmosphere, sending back photos of the Earth’s curvature and the darkness of space.

Dads throughout the world are not amused.

“I was going to take my kid camping” said one distraught father.  “Now he won’t even talk to me unless I build a spaceship for him. I mean I work 12-hour shifts.  I don’t have time to build him a spacecraft.  Damn brat.”

Since the launch of the homemade space capsule 911 operators throughout the country are reporting an alarming increase of calls from mothers who are reporting that their husbands are doing nothing but “sitting in the back yard drinking beer and shooting at the neighbor’s dog.

Psychiatrists believe that the adult male may have been stretched to the breaking point by this recent event.  Said one psychiatrist:

The adult male has to do so much to maintain a positive self-image.  From being the breadwinner and providing for one’s family, to being a good husband and lover to being a role model for their children.  They try and often succeed.  But now?  If you can’t make a spacecraft you’re a failure.  Look at the trickle down effect:  Loss of self-esteem.  Work suffers.  Trouble satisfying the wife.  No wonder they sit in the back yard shooting Fido.

Another analyst had dire warnings for humanity:

Earthquakes, tidal waves, mass destruction on an apocalyptic scale! Lindsay Lohan may go back to jail!  All this will happen soon if we don’t get fathers out of the backyard.  We need them engaging in life.

Typical of recent events is the story of one father who had to be talked down from jumping off a window ledge.

Nothing I do is good enough for my son. All he wants is a space ship!  I even brought home a hooker for him.  ‘Here’s a hooker son.  Your father loves you.’   Nothing!  He says I’m not cool anymore.

Congress is considering hearings to inquire into whether limits should be placed on what a father can do to impress his son.

“We don’t want mass suicides” said one congressman.

As for the father in question who sent to weather balloon aloft, he is having second thoughts.

None of my neighbors are talking to me anymore, except to call me an asshole.  I have to eat lunch at work alone.  I don’t know.  I just don’t think it was worth it.  Sure it was nice to get my son’s approval but if I had to do it over again I would have taken him to a baseball game or given him some of my old Playboys instead.


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