Bill Clinton Endorses Krystal Ball for Congress

Vote for Krystall Ball and she’ll suck your fake penis noseFormer President Bill Clinton has come to the defense of embattled congressional candidate Krystal Ball.  Since pictures of candidate Ball have surfaced recently that show her in compromising positions many have abandoned her in her attempt to win office.  But not President Clinton.

“I stand firmly behind Miss Ball” said Clinton.  “It is time we erect the hard principles of the Democratic party in this district and Miss Ball is the one who raises my admiration.”

Miss Ball, who was leading in the race has had to defend herself after pictures surfaced of her and her ex-husband at a college party. Her ex husband is wearing a sex toy on his nose and she plays with it.  Said Miss Ball:

It was a college party.  We were celebrating the end of the semester.  We had finished all our tests and were relaxing.  Come on!  Haven’t any of you ever been at a college party?  So I was sucking on my ex-husband’s fake penis nose.  You should see the photos from the party that haven’t been made public.  You try having sex in a hot tub with six naked cheerleaders.  It’s not easy.  There’s a lot of slippage involved.  I mean my breasts ended up in crevices I thought were physically impossible.

When Miss Ball mentioned the cheerleaders and the hot tub President Clinton was quick to come to her defense.

“I love this woman!  She’ll fit right in in Washington” he said before handing her a cigar.

Clinton also commented on the photos.

This is a scandal?  These photos are rather tame.  Stroke my fake dick nose please Come on.  I  have photos of Hillary in college being mounted by rottweilers.  But I still married her.  Well, after a series of  long, drawn-out and painful rabies shots that is.

This is not the first time a Democratic candidate for office was faced with a sex scandal.  During his 1952 run for President, Adlai Stevenson would often dress up as ’40s era Big Band singer Martha Tilton.  Between campaign stops he would entertain the Secret Service with his rendition of “And the Angels Sing.”

In addition to former President Clinton, Miss Ball has received the endorsement of a group calling itself  “Men Who Like to Wear Fake Penis Noses.” Said the group’s founder:

For too long we have been shunned and relegated to the dark corners of society.  No more!  Miss Ball understands our frustrations and we heartily support her. Yes we do.  Oh yes…..yes……YES OH GOD YES! YES OH GOD YES!!!!  Hey, is that hot wax?

A companion group, “Women Who Love Men Who Wear Fake Penis Noses” has also announced plans to endorse Ball.  In a statement released today the organization said:

We feel that at this critical juncture in American history candidate Ball is the best person for the office.  Now get on your knees.  You need discipline bitch.



3 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    I’m just glad I’m so old that cameras hadn’t yet been invented when I was still a dumb college kid.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Amen to that brother. And thank god for the statute of limitations.

  3. I second what Innominatus said.

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