Times Square Car Bomber Sentenced to Life in Prison; Motive May Never be Known

What were his motives?Faisal Shazad, the 31-year old Pakistani immigrant who parked a car filled with explosives in Times Square last May was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

U.S. District Court Judge Miriam Goldman Cederbaum pronounced the sentence during a court appearance that was shown on live television.

Shazad recounted how he bought quantities of Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator from a contact known only as Marvin Martian with the intent of setting off a devastating explosion that would kill hundreds of New Yorkers.

“Brace yourselves” said Shazad.  “Because the war with Muslims has just begun.”

As Shazad mentioned war with Muslims many commentators watching the sentencing expressed surprise and wonder that an articulate and handsome Pakistani would resort to violent, racist tactics normally associated with the right-wing Tea Party movement.

Interviewed on local TV, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg speculated that perhaps Shazad’s mind had become deranged as the result of nicotine addiction combined with racist right-wing politics.  “This type of addiction might send him over the edge.  Combine that with teabagging sympathies and you have a perfect storm of resentment.  Why else would he plant a bomb?”

Shazad continued ranting after the sentence was handed down.

“We do not want your freedom.  We have freedom with Sharia law.”

At the mention of Sharia law, MSNBC commentator Keith Olbermann surmised that perhaps Shazad was obsessed with a woman named Sherry Law.

“Sexual frustration and the inability to connect emotionally with a woman might lead to violence.   I’m looking at you  Jenny Robinson who refused to go to the senior prom with me.  You are the worst person in the world.”

Shazad then jumped up and down while screaming “Death to the infidel!  Death to the infidel!  I want to kill the infidel!”

As Shazad screamed Christiane Amanpour of ABC News said, “I can’t quite make out what he is saying but I believe he is expressing opposition to President Obama’s agenda.  Yes, I distinctly heard him say he opposes health care reform.  This is so typical of insular, arrogant Americans.”

The FBI has announced that they intend to indict Marvin Martian as a co-conspirator in the bombing attempt.

“We have no idea who Marvin Martian is or what he looks like” said FBI chief Robert Mueller.  “But we are going to closely watch Tea Party rallies to see if anyone has any information on Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulators.”



7 Responses

  1. Angel says:

    ha brilliant!..um why did he not receive the death penalty btw?:)

  2. Marvin Martian: The interplanetary version of AQ Khan.

    But still, never ever judge Faisal Shazad.

  3. Matt says:

    Well, as least we can rest assured that this whole thing had NOTHING to do with…what’s the name of that religion?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Angel: Death penalty? Why that would be raaaaaaccccccisssst.

    CRS: Let us not judge Faisal. He’s in line to replace Elliot Spitzer on CNN.

    Matt: You mean the ROP? Religion of peace? Name escapes me.

  5. John Carey says:

    Hey wait a minute, I think I car pool with Marvin the Martian. Doesn’t he wear a shiny gold helmet?

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Careful John. Marvin may appear friendly at first but you know he just wants to blow up the Earth so he can have a better view of Venus.

  7. MK says:

    Nicely said, sums up the stupid left and their inability to see the truth perfectly.

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