With only four weeks to go until the midterm elections top Democratic politicians have spread out across the United States rallying their constituents to get out and vote.

In Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, seeing the multitudes had voters recline on grass while he addressed them from the water, where his yacht was docked.

Now I don’t want to hear any of this crap about lack of enthusiasm.  Don’t you know all that your government has done for you?  For indeed, blessed are those who vote Democratic for the kingdom of socialism is theirs.  Blessed are the poor for redistributed income shall come their way.  Blessed are the clean of heart because they probably don’t smoke and smoking is almost as immoral as making over $250,000 a year.  Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall stop Israel from building new settlements.  Blessed are you when are reviled because of me for your reward will be great in Washington D.C.  Entitlements shall be yours.

He then boarded his yacht, turned to the crowd and gave one last blessing:

I better get this baby back to Rhode Island before someone taxes it.  Oh, and vote Democratic you stupid idiots.

At a fundraiser in New Hampshire, Vice President Joe Biden ripped off his shirt and challenged those in attendance to a fight.

You’re damn right I’m angry.  You people had better vote for us or I’m going to come to your house and use your bathroom!  So stop whining people.  Did your grandfathers whine when President Roosevelt landed on the moon and signed Medicare into law? Thank god these idiots don’t know that we’re going to have to steal from Medicare to fund Obamacare……what?  What do you mean my microphone is still on? This shit is bananas.  B-a-n-a-n-a-s.  This shit is bananas.  B-a-n-a-n-a-s!

The nation’s top Democrat, President Obama traveled to Madison Wisconsin to deliver the get out the vote message to a group of college students.

It is inexcusable for you to sit on the sidelines and not vote when I am commanding you to vote.  I mean, people, it’s not like any of you have any prospects of getting a job soon.  So you have time on your hands to vote.  I take credit for this.  So stop clinging to guns and religion and vote Democratic!

From Washington D.C. the Democratic National Committee, fresh from unveiling a new logo unveiled its new official midterm campaign slogan that it hopes will energize its base:

Loyal subjects of America.  Are you stupid or what? Vote Democratic.  Don’t force us to have Joe Biden use your bathroom.  There is a reason we call him “Colon Joe.”

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