Paul McCartney Apologizes for Early ’70s Mullet

Sir Paul McCartney has apologized for his early ’70s mulletIn a stunning admission of past faults, Paul McCartney has apologized to fans, friends and music lovers everywhere for the mullet he wore after the Beatles breakup.

“What is there to say.  The Beatles had just broken up.  I was hurting and decided to cut off the symbol of that band – the hair.  But I had just started Wings and wanted to save on costs so I had them cut only the bangs.  For this I am truly, truly sorry.  I just took a look at some photos of myself from that time period and I feel deep shame for my actions.  While this is no excuse I hope fans will understand.  Also, I was smoking a ton of pot back then” said Sir Paul.

The Center for Mullet Studies lauds Sir Paul’s brave decision to acknowledge his mullet past.

“We have found a direct correlation between mullets and evil” said a spokesman for the Center.  “The more mullets being worn the more evil in the world.  Who knows.  The Vietnam war may have ended sooner if not for McCartney’s mullet.  Watergate may never have happened except for McCartney’s mullet.  The killing fields of Cambodia may never have happened except for McCartney’s  mullet.  Abe Vigoda leaving Barney Miller may never have happened except for McCartney’s mullet.  Cause and effect.  Jung called it synchronicity.”

The natural destructiveness of the mullet, combined with marijuana intake can lead to disastrous consequences.  Mathematicians have recently postulated a theorem called “Mullet (marijuana) cosine fallacy” which states that the presence of one is not in itself automatically harmful but when combined the effects can be Earth-shattering.

“An iceberg has been unfairly blamed  but it’s safe to say that someone on the Titanic was a mullet-wearing pot smoker.”

People are advised that if they see anyone sporting a mullet to report them to local authorities.

“Just look at all the evil in the world that could be eliminated if we get rid of mullets.  Rape, murder, famine, pestilence.  The View, Ward Churchill, Oregon.  Global warming, cancer, the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen.  The list is endless.  And mullets are responsible.”

Sir Paul McCartney has announced plans for a mullet apology tour to promote his single, “Mullett Through Me” which is due to be released in February.


5 Responses

  1. So if there’s a correlation between mullets and evil, this mean we’re going to soon learn about Obama having a mullet, right?

  2. innominatus says:

    My life is like one big “people of WalMart” photoshoot. I’m surrounded by mullet-wearing stoners. No wonder everything sucks.

  3. Lander York says:

    Are you really serious about this bro?Well it makes me smile and enjoy reading your article.

  4. Zim Hotelier says:

    This is so funny man! haha
    I love the post it is so funny. Nice blog too. Keep up the good work.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    ZH: Thank you and welcome to my humble site.

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