Fresh off the departure of Anita Dunn the White House has announced that RoboCop will be their new Communications Director.
“We needed someone who had experience dealing with the public as well as someone with a strong message. RoboCop fulfills both these needs” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.
RoboCop was then introduced. Stepping to the podium RoboCop thanked President Obama for showing faith in him.
“I have four directives. Serve the public interest. Protect the innocent. Uphold the law. Defend President Obama at all costs.”
There were murmurs from the press when the four directives were announced. Many wondered if the first and fourth directives were mutually incompatible. Major Garrett, Fox News White House correspondent asked RoboCop about this.
“You say that one of your directives is to serve the public interest. Yet you also say that another directive of yours is to defend President Obama. Don’t you think these two are in conflict with each other? The public interest will not always be served by defending President Obama, or any President for that matter at, and I quote you, ‘all costs.’ “
The room became tense as RoboCop pulled his gun from his holster and aimed it at Garrett.
“Your move punk” said RoboCop. Garrett tried to make a run for it but was shot in the groin. “Thank you for your cooperation” RoboCop announced after shooting him.
Jake Tapper, ABC’s White House Correspondent was next. He nervously asked RoboCop exactly what defending the President at all costs means.
“I am authorized to use physical force if necessary to defend the President” answered RoboCop. He then told Tapper that his programming had identified him as a risk to Obama. “Come quietly or there will be trouble” he said before beating Tapper unconscious.
RoboCop was asked if he had a message for any kids who were watching.
“Stay out of trouble. Pledge to be a servant to the President.”
The press conference broke up as RoboCop left the podium. “Excuse me. I have to go. Somewhere there is disrespect to the President being committed” he said.
Press Secretary Gibbs, grinning from ear to ear said “I love this guy. I wish I had a dozen of him!”
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Later RoboCop finds John Boehner and dumps him into a vat of toxic waste for going against Obama’s health care reform plan.
Remember that scene in the first movie where one of the bad guys got dumped in a vat of toxic waste? He was in the process of melting when the girl cop ran him over and he became chunky beef stew on her windshield.
I could live with a RoboCop comm director if it meant we got to dunk Bawny Frank in the toxic waste.
Poor Bawny. He’s just bitter because he’s a Red Sox fan. It must be traumatic being from Massachusetts and having to find a place to ‘pak your cah’ every day – The Manhattan Infidel