Police Investigate Cake Left Out in the Rain

A cake like this was left out in the rainPolice today responded to a report of a cake deliberately left out in the rain.

“We received a call stating that what appeared to be a cake had been left out in the rain” said Detective James MacArthur.  “Naturally we were a little suspicious of the call.  After all, why would a cake be left out in the rain?  So we at first operated under the assumption that it was a bomb disguised as a cake.  Or maybe it was Verne Troyer, the delightfully zany ‘mini me’ from the Austin Powers movies disguised as a cake.  It could have been a quark, that fundamental constituent of matter.  Though why a quark would be disguised as a cake I don’t want to speculate.  It might have been a pie disguised as a cake.  But the bottom line is something was disguised as a cake and we had to be careful.”

The bomb squad approached gingerly, aware that the cake might explode at any moment.

“As we got closer and got a better look at the so-called cake my mind just could not take it.  It looked like it took a long time to bake it.  I hope whomever baked it wrote down the instructions because they might not have that recipe again.”

The area surrounding the cake was cordoned off.

“There were some old men playing chess by the trees that at first refused to leave.  But when we told them about the cake they became concerned and vacated the area.  There was a yellow cotton dress foaming like a wave on the ground around our knees.  We were concerned that it might be a decoy so snipers took the dress out.”

Because of the rain police had to act quickly to secure the cake.  A plastic tarp was placed over the cake, neutralizing the rain.  The cake was then transported to an FBI crime lab for analysis.

“We’ve run several tests on this so-called cake.  Spectral analysis.  Chemical analysis.  We even brought in Celine Dion to sing to the cake but so far nothing.  The cake has not revealed anything other than a certain chocolatey goodness.  Whomever designed this instrument of destruction certainly knew what they were doing.”

Sources close to the investigation say they haven’t seen a deception so convincing since William Faulkner, who upon his death was revealed to be a bag of wet cement.

The cake was charged with terrorism offenses under the Patriot Act and transported to a  maximum security facility.

Citizens have been advised that if they spot any other cakes left out in the rain not to approach under any circumstance but immediately call 911.

Al Queda took responsibility for the cake and issued a statement that read “You foolish Americans.  Do you not realize that we love death more than you love cake?  Your civilization will fall.  Well, maybe not a quickly as the New York Mets but it will fall nevertheless.”


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