Today in Hollywood a special rally was held to support embattled director Roman Polanski.  The chairperson of the National Society to Support Roman Polanski spoke in front of an enthusiastic audience that numbered in the thousands.

“Hollywood has always stood for one thing” he said.

“Rampant drug abuse?” asked one man in the crowd.

“Okay, so Hollywood has always stood for two things.”

“Mental illness” asked another man.

“Okay.  So Hollywood has always stood for three things.”

“Let’s not forget crappy Ben Affleck movies” shouted another voice in the crowd.

“You know we could go on forever.  While rampant drug abuse, mental illness and crappy Ben Affleck movies have always been important values in this town let’s not forget the one value that defines Hollywood – freedom from the bourgeois sexual constraints of Red State America.”

The crowd grew excited and seemed to swell in size.

“Right now one of our most beloved directors lies in a Swiss jail.  And for what?  Sodomizing a 13 year old girl? Hasn’t he already suffered enough?  He’s been forced to live in France for 30 years!  I see many producers in the audience.  What would happen if all of you were arrested for the same crime?”

Someone shouted “It would shut the town down.”

“Precisely.  If Red State America tells us we can’t have sex with 13 year olds they can tell us we can’t murder our Mexican domestic help and bury the body in the backyard.  Where will it end?  It’s time to stop the madness.”

The crowd, worked up into a frenzy chanted “Sex with 13 year olds….yes we can!  Yes we will!  Murdering Mexican domestic help…….yes we can!  Yes we will!  Red state values?  Never!”

A man in the crowd yelled out “Me and my ferret will never surrender to the Red States.  I love him.  He’s my lifetime animal companion and gives me a nonjudgmental love I can never get from a prostitute.”

The crowd roared its approval.  The chairperson pointed to a couple in the crowd.

“I see we have a transgendered couple in the crowd.  Sir, come forward.  Is that your transsexual wife?”

The man appeared confused at first.

“What?  No.  That’s my wife.  She has a glandular problem.”   The mention of the wife stunned those at the rally.

“You mean she’s biologically a female?” asked the Chairperson. He scratched his head and said under his breath “How did they get in here?”

Tossing aside their momentary shock the crowd grew angry.  Chants of “Beat him up”, “Get them out of here”  and “Is it Glenn Beck?” could be heard.

The Chairperson continued.

“We have embarrassed ourselves in the eyes of Europe.  They think we are nothing but unsophisticated cowboys.  Let us send a message to Europe that we in America are just as intelligent as they are.  I urge everyone here to sign this petition asking for the release of our beloved colleague.”

The petition, with over 10,000 signatures was sent to the Swiss prison that was holding Roman Polanski.  Upon receiving the petition a clearly moved Polanski videotaped a brief statement.

“I plan to be a free man soon.  I plan to come to America a free man.” he said.   He closed the statement by thanking his supporters and asking “if anyone knew how old Taylor Swift was and did anyone have her number.”

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