Snap Crackle and Pop before the breakup

In a statement released today, Crackle announced that he is splitting with Snap and Pop because of “creative differences”.

“Sadly, after years of being together I find that instead of inspiring each other we now cramp each other’s style.  Snap and I have numerous philosophical differences of opinion regarding our direction.  As for Pop while I have deep affection for him I do not think he has a serious commitment to Snap or I anymore.”

Numerous sources close to Crackle say the decision to end his partnership with Snap has taken a toll.  “Crackle has cut himself off from his friends and spends most of his time at his farm drinking heavily and wandering around his property in his bathrobe” according to his brother-in-law.

Recently there have been numerous public arguments between Snap and Crackle.  “They were drifting apart…..personally and professionally.  Snap had taken to calling Crackle his ‘ball and chain’ because he felt tied down in the partnership.  Crackle for his part was increasingly freaked out by Snap’s fetish for transsexual asian prostitutes.  And Pop felt that he was being overlooked and his contributions were not respected by the  other two” according to Rolling Stone Magazine.  Crackle also blamed Snap and Pop for bringing into the group Pow, and billing him as the fourth elf.   Pow, as readers will recall, was never accepted by fans and disappeared mysteriously after contracting a sizable gambing debt to local underworld figures. His body has never been recovered.

When reporters went to his farm and asked for a comment on the breakup, a visibly distraught Crackle, who was slurring his words and appeared disorientated, yelled “Just get off my f—— property you f—— vultures” before firing his shotgun at them.  Snap could not be reached for comment but his manager said  that he will have something to say once he is released from jail in Thailand.  As for Pop, he seems happy to be out from under Snap and Crackle’s glare and has been signed to  play the villian in the next James Bond movie, “License to Overregulate”.  “It’s great.  I play a mid-level civil service employee who wants to take over the world, one government form at a time.”

And so ends the most successful breakfast cereal trio of all time.  As for whether the parts will equal the sum of the whole, critics are doubtful.

“Crackle is a headcase, popping pills and shooting everything in sight.  Snap is languishing in a foreign jail as a result of his fetish and Pop has gone Hollywood.”

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