The beloved peanut known as Mr. Peanut shocked the world today when he grew to 75 feet tall and went on a rampage, destroying a town, ripping up interstates, killing innocent men, women and children and causing over 30 million in property damage. “I was sitting in […]

              Theodore McCarrick, who recently resigned from the College of Cardinals after a sex scandal, has revealed that at one point he was harassed by Leslie Moonves of CBS, who himself is the target of sexual harassment allegations. “I was at my beach house with some seminarians” declared the […]

                WJM-TV today fired longtime evening news executive producer Lou Grant after an internal investigation revealed a pattern of sexual abuse. “We have severed relations with Lou Grant” began the statement released by the station. After receiving complaints from employees in the news division we determined that there […]

            Flipper, a beloved bottlenose dolphin at the Coral Key Park and Preserve has voluntarily entered a rehab facility to treat his addiction to sex with humans. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this” said the Chief Warden Porter Ricks. But lately Flipper had become insatiable. It’s a problem […]

                  Clarice, best known as the former love interest of now-disgraced Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer has announced that she is throwing her support behind the “#metoo” movement. “For far too long we women have had to suffer at the hands of men” said the newly-radicalized doe. One […]

            The magical, music-loving peaceful country of Pepperland has seen a rise in migrants from other lands the past few years, forever changing its culture with many residents calling for the end of the Lord Mayor’s “open borders” policy. “Pepperland was built on tolerance and diversity” said the Lord Mayor (pictured here) […]

              Noted Vulcan Lieutenant commander Spock of the Enterprise threw himself a bachelor party to celebrate his engagement to Nurse Christine Chapel that was described by all who attended as “logical and staid.” “To carouse on the eve of one’s nuptials strikes me as highly illogical” said the decorated […]

          The Incredible Hulk announced today that he is “Goddamn tired of this hippie bullshit” and has asked environmentalists to leave him alone. “Just because I’m green doesn’t mean I believe in low flush toilets and wind power” said the Hulk I’m the Incredible Hulk and I have incredible bowel movements […]

                Hollywood superstar Jamie Foxx has been accused of slapping a woman with his penis during a party in 2002. “I was at a party at his place” said the woman. And Jamie Foxx walked up to me and said “I’m going to slap you in the face […]

                    The Energizer Bunny, popular mascot for Energizer batteries, has tested positive for cocaine, ending what had been a legendary career in mascot circles. “Energizer has severed all ties with the Energizer Bunny” said the Energizer Company in an official statement. We are deeply saddened by […]