Incredible Hulk Tired of Hippies!

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F*ck hippies!

 

 

 

 

 

The Incredible Hulk announced today that he is “Goddamn tired of this hippie bullshit” and has asked environmentalists to leave him alone.

“Just because I’m green doesn’t mean I believe in low flush toilets and wind power” said the Hulk

I’m the Incredible Hulk and I have incredible bowel movements if you know what I mean. I appreciate high-capacity, high-flush toilets. I’m not about to start using leaves and crapping in the damn forest. I have a sensitive, slightly wet anus and only Charmin will do for me.

The Hulk as also asked “hippies and fellow-travelers” to stop hugging him.

Every time I’m out in public, enraged, green and shirtless the damn hippie bastards won’t leave me alone. They all insist on forming a circle around me and hugging me. “He’s green. He cares about mother Earth and stopping pipelines!” they chant. I may be green but stopping pipelines? The Hulk appreciates and depends on fossil fuels. I have an SUV. If you think the Hulk is going to walk to and from where he wants to go you’re crazy. Fossil fuels yes! By all means! But stop hugging me alright? I’m not a touchy-feeling Hulk.

Things got worse for the Hulk when it was announced that a new pipeline would be built through his property.

All of a sudden I have these goddamn hippies on my lawn. I didn’t invite them. They brought their trash with them and didn’t clean up after themselves. Hell I sold the rights to that part of my property so they could build the pipeline. It will increase my property values. Or so I thought. Now my property values are going down because I have hippie trash, literally, all over my place. They camp out. They defecate in the stream where I get my drinking water. They leave non-biodegradable plastic water bottles all over the place. It’s a goddamn mess. I’d use my Hulk strength to strangle every last one of them only the press would be on their side.

The worst incident between the Hulk and the hippies happened one night when the Hulk was home.

It was about 10 at night. Hulk relaxation time. I was wearing my MAGA hat and drinking a beer. Suddenly the hippies opened my front door and barged in, taking photos. One asked me if I was engaging in an indigenous Hulk ritual. I’m drinking beer is what I’m doing! I threw them all out. You know some of my silverware went missing that night. I think the hippies stole it. That silverware had sentimental value. It was my mothers!

For now the Hulk has rented his home out and moved to an undisclosed location.

“I guess I’ll ride it out. The hippies will get tired and move on eventually. If not I’ll just have Wonder Woman, I rented the place to her, lasso the shit out of the filthy bastards.”

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