10.  Volume volume volume! 9.  I’ve been looking for a woman to replace my mother for years. 8.  The  home office approves. 7.  Why does Sara Palin ignore me?  I just want her to love me. 6.  To get over the pain of being a bitter old man years past his prime. 5.  Just wanted […]

Long-time employee of the Department of Agriculture Smokey the Bear was arrested today by the FBI and charged with setting a string of forest fires throughout the United States. “We got him.  We finally got him” declared FBI Director Robert Mueller. Today’s arrest marks the final downfall for the once popular anti-forest fire spokesman.  Hired […]

The image in indelibly ingrained into the American consciousness:  Sheriff Will Kane courageously defends himself against Frank Miller who was bent on revenge after Kane sent him to prison. Now retired and living comfortably in Tampa, Florida Sheriff Will Kane has decided to break his silence and finally speak on the events, in the process […]

From: The Office of the Secretary of State, Pepperland. To:  Mayor Young Fred In accordance with your request I submit this report detailing the recent unfortunate events in Pepperland leading to the attack by the Blue Meanies that resulted in the tragic loss of 35% of our population. First and foremost it must be stated […]

Today it was revealed that British agent James Bond has filed a multimillion dollar sexual harassment suit against one Jane Moneypenny, a secretary for Britain’s MI6 intelligence agency.  Bond has also named “M”, the leader of MI6 as well as the agency itself, claiming a “culture  of harassment” in the institution. In the suit Bond […]

The standoff between the Keebler Elves, squatters who live in trees and local authorities continues to get more heated, with each side accusing the other of “bullying tactics.” The Keeblers, a family of little people have hollowed out several trees in a protected forest preserve and have set up an illegal cookie making factory. “Not […]

J.K. Rowling’s much anticipated new book, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Dominatrix” will be released tomorrow. According to Rowling, the new book will focus on Harry’s experiences as a young adult.  “I want to take the series in a new direction.  He’s an adult now.  He’s left Hogwart’s school and moves to the […]

Job security might be viewed by most people as a good thing.  But to the Boogeyman it is a trap he desperately wants to get out of. “I took this job right out of college as a temporary thing.  Now I can’t get out of it.  How’d you like to be responsible for scaring the […]

“2…..4…..6……8…..General Mills is filled with hate!”  chants rag through the air.  Dozens of breakfast cereal mascots braved the rain as they marched with their placards.  This was the 15th day of the strike of mascot local #5 with no end in sight.  Already there has been violence. “Some management goons came over and poured milk […]

From the Gospel according to St. Latoya: And on the first day of the week, Janet cometh early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre; and she saw the stone taken away from the sepulchre. She ran therefore, and cometh to Jackie, and to the other whom The Michael loved and saith unto them: […]