Job security might be viewed by most people as a good thing.  But to the Boogeyman it is a trap he desperately wants to get out of.

“I took this job right out of college as a temporary thing.  Now I can’t get out of it.  How’d you like to be responsible for scaring the bejesus out of millions of kids?  I’ve scared more kids than Phil Spector’s hair.”

The Boogeyman, or Mr. B. as he is know to friends, “I have friends.  What?  Do you think I wouldn’t have friends?   Why?  Because I make kids cry?  It’s just a freaking job man” was talking about his job as a “certified child scarer.”

“It’s getting harder and harder to scare kids nowdays.  It used to be all I had to do was scratch on a kid’s window and tell him I was going to drag him into Hell if he didn’t stop sucking his thumb and the kid would be crying and wetting his pants.  But now…….hey, they see scarier things on the video games they play.”

He put down his beer and grabbed some of the free pretzels on the bar.  “I used to be the amorphous embodiment of terror.  Now kids just point their finger at me and laugh.  ‘Look there goes the old boogey man.  Hey boogie, boogie on down for me.’  You try doing your job when people are ridiculing you.”

“I’m burned out I tell you.  It’s affecting everything.  My kids are traumatized.  It’s not easy being the son of the Boogey Man.  They get teased.  ‘Eat your vegetables or the Boogey Man will come to your house tonight.’  Then my kids will get confused and say ‘But he will be at my house tonight.  He’s my dad!’  I tell you kids are so  cruel.  This hasn’t been easy on them.  My four-year old cries all the time.  My eight-year old wets his bed and my ten-year old wants to be Ryan Seacrest.  Is that normal?  I’m taking him to a psychiatrist this week.”

“I want to get out before it’s too late.  It’s time for a career change.  Maybe computers.  I’m Microsoft Certified. Perhaps I can get a job with some dignity and where I’ll be treated with respect by my coworkers, like a help desk position.”

A couple of tourists approached him and asked if they could have their photo taken with him.  “We tell our kids about you all the time.”  Mr. B. obliged.  “Really?  Thanks.  Do I scare them” he asked.

“No.  They think you’re old-fashioned.  The only thing that scares them now is not having an iPhone.”

He ordered another beer.  “See.  That’s what I’m talking about.  Technology is making my job irrelevant.”

As his beer arrived he took a sip and put it down.

“This isn’t helping.  I better go home and work on my resume.” 

As he got up to leave his cell phone went off.

“Great.  It’s the office.  Probably some kid who won’t eat his vegetables needs to be scared.   Well, I’m off.  Nice talking to you.”

He left the bar and turned the corner.  As he did he saw a six-year old kid,  “I”m the Boogey Man” he said.

The kid kicked him in the groin.

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