Paul McCartney, 69 married long-time lover and MTA Board member Nancy Shevell, 51, in a civil ceremony in London on Sunday. The bride, Shevell, is the second-cousin of American media mogul Barbara Walters who introduced the couple and acted as a matchmaker.  Said Walters: I’ve known Sir Paul for years. After his disastrous marriage to […]

A local independent building contractor named Bob was arrested today. Bob the Builder was a well-known village character, often spotted with his tool belt and offering up his catch phrase “Can we fix it?”  to anyone he came upon. A popular personality with political connections Bob built many high-profile projects including the new city hall.  […]

Peter Parker, a teenage orphan living in Forest Hills, Queens with his Uncle Ben and Aunt May has been arrested by the NYPD after allegedly squirting a “viscous-like fluid all over the street.” Dubbed “The Forest Hills Jacker” Mr. Parker was perp-walked through press to the station house for booking. “Look, I don’t want to […]

Recently I was honored to sit down with living legend Tony Bennett.  Bennett has recently come under fire for his controversial comments about 9/11.  Naturally this was my first question. MI:  Mr. Bennett, thank you for meeting with me.  I have been a fan of yours for years. Tony Bennett:  Thank you.  We are terrorists. […]

Commander William Riker, second in command of Star Fleet’s flagship the Enterprise, and formerly thought to be a shoo-in for Admiral has failed a routine physical.  The news has placed his career in jeopardy and if Riker cannot pass a follow-up exam he will be forced out of the Fleet. The news that he had […]

Edith Keeler, respected activist and social worker who runs the 21st Street mission here in New York has filed a restraining order against one of its occupants,  an unemployed man who goes by the name of James Kirk.  Mr. Kirk who broke into her basement one day with his “companion” a Mr. Spock (no first […]

Pope Benedict XVI today excommunicated Linus Van Pelt, ratcheting up the theological controversy over the so-called “Great Pumpkin.”  With his excommunication Van Pelt is prohibited from publishing any of his writings or exercising any functions as a Catholic theologian. Before his excommunication, Linus Van Pelt had been a daring and provocative theologian.  Van Pelt came […]

A police manhunt that has spread across several states is on for a curious brown monkey named George. George, an immigrant from Africa who was brought to the United States by his human companion, the Man in the Yellow Hat, was up until last week a docile, friendly and very curious monkey.  But something changed.  […]

International racing superstar Speed Racer has been banned from further competition in the United States until he complies with new EPA requirements. The EPA released a statement today that said they have taken the unprecedented step of banning Speed Racer because his new “Mach 5” car  does not meet necessary green requirements such as 55 […]

In a scene of devastation that even hardened first responders found difficult, Thomas the Tank Engine collided this morning with a school bus loaded with children. “There were bodies everywhere.  Body parts.  Blood. Pulpy tissue.  I got sick and I’ve never gotten sick at an accident site before” said a first responder. Of the 29 […]