Bob The Builder Arrested for Murder

You wanna be buried in cement?  Then shutta your mouth.A local independent building contractor named Bob was arrested today.

Bob the Builder was a well-known village character, often spotted with his tool belt and offering up his catch phrase “Can we fix it?”  to anyone he came upon.

A popular personality with political connections Bob built many high-profile projects including the new city hall.  There was even talk of Bob getting a  job with the administration.  However, all that came to an end with the discovery of the body of his secretary Wendy, Bob the builder’s secretary Wendy buried in his neighbor Farmer Pickle’s field.

A local who knew both of them talks about their relationship:

Everybody knew they were lovers.  He told me he hired her just to look at her.  “Man I got to get me some of that” he said.  She resisted him at first and seemed uncomfortable with his advances.  She told me that one time she walked into his office and he was wearing nothing but a towel over his midsection.  “My penis.  Can we fix it?” he asked her.  Eventually she gave in because he made it clear that if she didn’t sleep with him she’d lose her job.

Not content to just sleep with her, Bob became obsessed with Wendy and started monitoring her phone calls.

“He was convinced that she was cheating on him. And that drove him crazy.”

Bob was once arrested outside her house after neighbors noticed a man peeking into her window.  Wendy however refused to press charges.

“She was hoping the whole thing would go away, poor girl.  All she wanted was a steady paycheck.”

Eventually Bob’s obsession led him down a dark path.  He became negligent at work, frequently refusing to wear safety goggles and never answering his cell phone.

“Without Wendy it’s all so f#$(#) useless” he would say over and over.

On the day Wendy disappeared witnesses report that a violent argument broke out at Bob’s office, with Bob throwing a chair through a window and shouting “If I can’t have you, no one will!”  

Wendy ran out of the office crying and got into her car and drove away.  She was never seen again.

Detectives speculate that Bob followed her home and bludgeoned her to death with a hammer.  He then showed up at Farmer Pickle’s I know nothing! place to bury the body.

Farmer Pickle has denied any involvement in the crime.

“Look he said he had to bury his secretary but I figured he was speaking metaphorically.”

Bob the Builder remains in the county lockup.  Bail has been denied.


6 Responses

  1. Karen Howes says:

    NOT Bob the Builder!!

    Maybe the glove won’t fit.

  2. You always suspected the Scarecrow dude to be the crazy one, not the seemingly grounded and sensible Bob

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: Bob is screwed now that Johnny cochrane is dead.

    Shamus: The heart wants what the heart wants

  4. Where he is going it won’t be Bob that will be doing the fixing.

  5. Trestin says:

    Those closest to him saw problems coming years ago. Sure when the cameras are running things are great. When the camera’s are turned off it’s a different story.

  6. MK says:

    Really Bob? Nooooooo, say it ain’t so…. I blame the climate of hate and tea baggers. lol

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