Police Manhunt Continues for Curious George

Curious George and his former human companion, the Man in the yellow hatA police manhunt that has spread across several states is on for a curious brown monkey named George.

George, an immigrant from Africa who was brought to the United States by his human companion, the Man in the Yellow Hat, was up until last week a docile, friendly and very curious monkey.  But something changed.  George killed the Man in the Yellow Hat, burned down their domicile, stole a car and was last seen speeding west along Interstate 84.

Police are at a loss as to the reason for Curious George’s actions.

“He had everything.  His human companion was very nice to him.  Why a monkey would behave like an ape I don’t know” said a local sheriff.

But others say that there were signs of Curious George’s  breakdown long before the murder.  Specifically, Curious George had trouble assimilating into American society.  According to a psychologist who treated George in the past:

He was a proud African monkey.  Then he is “brought” to America, though captured would be a better word, by the Man in the Yellow Hat.  Curious George is forced to adapt to the big city life in the United States. It was culture shock, like what has happened to immigrants before him.

Complicating matters was George’s relationship with the Man in the Yellow Hat.

George was a proud, virile, heterosexual monkey.  And here was this man dressed in yellow always holding him.  The female monkeys started to think George was gay.  And that hurt him.

On one occasion witnesses report George arguing with a female monkey and shouting “Oh come on.  I’m straight.  He’s not my companion” before storming off.

Also at play was the fact of Curious George’s mutilation at the hands of the Man in the Yellow Hat.

George was a monkey.  But his tail was cut off by the Man.  Why?  I don’t know.  Perhaps to keep George down. Perhaps the man had a fetish.

Whatever his true reasons, Curious George went berserk and tore off the face of the Man in the Yellow Hat.  He then, perhaps to cover his tracks, burned down the house the two of them lived in.  He is considered, “armed, dangerous albeit tailless.”

Curious George himself has issued a manifesto calling for “all monkeys to rise. What you have seen here today monkeys on the five continents will be imitating tomorrow.”

By a slave’s right to punish his persecutor I rise. Where there is fire there is smoke.  And in that smoke, from this day forward my people will crouch and conspire and plot and plan for the inevitable day of man’s downfall.  When the sea is dead and the land is a wasteland and your cities are buried under radioactive rubble I will lead my people from their captivity.  Oh, and if anyone knows where I can find a tail replacement specialist hit me up.

The FBI has set up a sting operation at all Tail Replacement centers from New York to Pittsburgh.

“We’ll get him. He isn’t going to make a monkey out of us!” said an agent.


4 Responses

  1. The man in yellow just wanted a little tail. What’s wrong with that? If every man that wanted a little tail was killed, then where would we be?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Well, that would leave a world entirely populated by women. Kind of a catch 22.

  3. Matt says:

    So that’s how the Planet of the Apes started!

  4. MK says:

    Nice one Matt.

    I’m surprised there isn’t a shoot-to-kill order on this ape. There should be.

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