Ending weeks of speculation, Mary Richards, popular producer of the 6 O’Clock News for WJM in Minneapolis, has announced that she has contracted the HIV virus. “It is true.  I am HIV positive” said Richards. I first became aware of my diagnosis four years ago.  I have no idea how I contracted HIV.  Possibly it was […]

Ralph Kramden, and employee of the Gotham Bus Company, has been fired from his job after a string of violent domestic abuse incidents at his apartment. “I often heard the two arguing” said upstairs neighbor Ed Norton. I mean I’m Ralph’s best friend and I didn’t want to get him in trouble.  But you can only turn a […]

The Michelin Man was ordered today to stop drinking, put on some pants and stay away from children after a recent string of embarrassing incidents. He has also been relieved of all duties as a spokesman for the Michelin tire company. “He was starting to be a problem and was affecting the bottom line” said […]

Optimus Prime has announced that after a lifetime of being “trapped” in his male transformer body he is fully transitioning into a female transformer. “It is true” said Optimus in a prepared statement. For years I felt different than the other Autobots. I had a sense that my body was not what it was supposed […]

Ending weeks of tabloid speculation, Charlie Sheen announced he has contracted HIV. “It’s true” Sheen told Matt Lauer during a sit-down on the Today Show. I have to put a stop to this onslaught, this barrage of attacks and harmful stories about me threatening the health of so many others.  I’ve known I’ve been HIV […]

James Bond, Commander in the Royal Navy currently working for MI6 has received a negative performance evaluation from MI6’s Human Resources division, threatening to end his once promising career. “No one was more surprised than I was” said Bond after the evaluation. This came out of nowhere.  Though in retrospect I should have suspected something when […]

After repeated complaints about his job performance, Frankenstein was dismissed today from his job with the fire department. “We really had no choice” said the Department’s head of human resources. His job performance was not satisfactory. He had an attitude problem and his coworkers found it difficult to work with him. Look we gave him every […]

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing a long-time resident of the forest of Oz, the Tin Man himself. MI: Good day to you Mr. Tin Man. TM: Yeah, whatever. MI: Okay, you seem just a little bitter. TM: You think? You f*cking think? What gave that away asshole. MI: Wow. Okay.  So tell me, what’s your […]

With the release of pictures of the physical bruising to Greg Hardy’s ex-girlfriend, an embarrassed NFL has decided to institute, effective immediately, a strict personal conduct policy. “While the majority, okay, a sizable minority, okay, a minuscule minority of our players are law abiding we can no longer stand by and pretend that a few, okay, a […]

When the Scarecrow received his new brain he envisioned a whole new life with many opportunities.   What he didn’t expect was to become a focal point of protests from local feminists. Soon after he received his brain from the Wizard the Scarecrow started taking classes at his local community college. “I had taken a […]