WJM Producer Mary Richards Announces She is HIV Positive!

She turned the whole world on with her smile. And paid the price!

She turned the whole world on with her smile. And paid the price!

Ending weeks of speculation, Mary Richards, popular producer of the 6 O’Clock News for WJM in Minneapolis, has announced that she has contracted the HIV virus.

“It is true.  I am HIV positive” said Richards.

I first became aware of my diagnosis four years ago.  I have no idea how I contracted HIV.  Possibly it was through a blood transfusion. All my sexual partners have been notified and I have always practiced safe sex.  Again, let me repeat:  I have no idea how I got the virus and all my partners since my diagnosis have been told of this. The sex I have had has been safe.  Well, except for the one time Mr. Grant gave me a Dirty Sanchez but that was New Year’s Eve and I was in the mood for something different.

Despite her protestation that she has no idea how she contracted the virus many speculate that it was her lifestyle.

“Hell, she turned the whole world on with her smile” said her supervisor Lou Grant.

I remember when she first walked into my office.

You turned me on with your smile woman and now we are going to be lovers!

You turned me on with your smile woman and now we are going to be lovers!

With each glance and every little movement she showed it. Love was all around no need to waste it.  And I didn’t waste it.  I had a goddamn woody under my desk. I figured she was going to go to HR and get me fired so I said why not go for it?  We did it on my desk. And under the desk. And on the floor. Hell if we could have figured out how to float we would have done it in the the air! Though I did feel like I was floating when her body was pressed against mine.

The director of Minneapolis’ AIDS prevention center says that because of Miss Richards unique ability to turn the whole world on with her smile her sexual partners could exceed nine billion.

“That’s a lot of sexual partners” he said.

That would be even more than Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Clinton combined!  Needless to say it’s not surprising with a lifestyle like hers she eventually contracted the virus. Naturally her nine billion sexual partners need to get themselves tested as soon as possible. Even if they test negative it’s important that they start antivirals immediately. And pick up some free condoms.  They are available at Minneapolis high schools and middle schools.

WJM anchorman Ted Baxter isn’t surprised at the diagnosis even as he admits that the two were never intimate.

I tell you she can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile. At least that’s what Murray Slaughter says. He told me she was into Irish perms. She really had something. Everyone wanted her.  Even Sue Ann Niven had her. But she wouldn’t let me touch her. She even went to HR about the selfies I sent her. And then she turned on the HR girl with her smile and they did it. Still now that she’s positive I’m glad I never was intimate with her. But it would have been freaky.  I mean I love my wife Georgette but she’s so vanilla.

Miss Richards has announced she will be taking a leave of absence from WJM to concentrate on staying healthy.

“It’s going to be difficult. I mean I smiled at the delivery boy who brought me pizza last night and well, I guess I turned him on.  Fortunately for both of us he had condoms. He’s in high school you see.”


One Response

  1. petermc3 says:

    I was more more taken with Rhoda; big tits and into the Kennebunkport Surprise, day or night. She too had HIV but…

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