Browsing the archives for the The Apocalypse of Leonardo DiCaprio category

The Apocalypse of St. Leonardo DiCaprio (Part VIII)

And when he had opened the seventh seal (okay, we bought dead seals from a zoo), there was silence in the heaven of Climate Change. THE SEVEN ELECTRIC GUITARS Seven Hollywood Starlets with Electric Guitars 2.  And I saw the seven starlets stand before the low-flush throne and there were given to them seven electric […]

The Apocalypse of St. Leonardo DiCaprio (Part VII)

An Intermediate Vision, and the Opening of the Seventh Seal (No, Not the Singer Well Okay Maybe the Singer) Chapter Seven After this I saw four Hollywood starlets standing and looking emaciated at the four corners of the earth, holding fast the four winds of the earth, that no wind should blow over the earth […]

The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part VI)

The Breaking of the First Six Seals (No Not the Singer or Seals You Find in a Zoo) Chapter Six And I saw that the newly-married guy from Ocean’s Eleven (no not the original) had opened the first of the seven seals and I heard the first living creature from the IRS saying “Come together right […]

The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part V)

Chapter Five The iPad and the Guy from Ocean’s Eleven.  And I saw upon the right hand of him who sits upon the low-flush throne an iPad sealed with seven seals (no not seven versions of the singer.) 2.  And I saw a strong angel proclaming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the iPad […]

The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part IV)

THE SEVEN SEALS (NO NOT SEVEN VERSIONS OF THE SINGER) 1. Preparatory Vision Chapter Four The Court of Climate Change After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in Heaven (which brought in a draft, which forced me to raise the thermostat, which led to sea levels rising, which led to polar bears […]

The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part III)

Chapter Three To the Church of Climate Change in Philadelphia And to the angel of the Church at Philadelphia write:  Thus says he who has the seven Priuses: I know thy works:  Thou has the name of being alive but you are Philadelphia.  Nuff said. W.C. Fields was right about you. 2. For I do […]

The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part II)

Chapter Two 1. To the angel of Climate Change of the church at New York write: Thus says he who holds the keys to the seven Priuses in his right hand, who walks in the midst of the Priuses even though he himself prefers SUVs:  2. I know you have a socialist mayor and that thou […]

The Apocalypse of Leonardo DiCaprio

In late 2014 distinguished actor and climate change activist Leonardo DiCaprio was named a Messenger of Peace by the United Nations.  Shortly after this, when unscientific Republicans gained control of the Senate he was exiled to the rocky island of Martha’s Vineyard for his witness to the settled science of climate change. Shortly after his […]