The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part V)

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter Five

The iPad and the Guy from Ocean’s Eleven. 

And I saw upon the right hand of him who sits upon the low-flush throne an iPad sealed with seven seals (no not seven versions of the singer.) 2.  And I saw a strong angel proclaming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the iPad and to break the seals (no not the singer) thereof?” 3.  And no one in the heaven of climate change or on Earth or under the Earth (the rat-filled subways) was able to open the iPad or look thereon. 4.  And I wept much because I am a sensitive man in touch with my feelings and not because I’m an emotional basket case because no one was found worthy to open the iPad or to look thereon.

5. And one of Harry Reid’s friends said to me, “Do not weep you blithering crybaby: behold the lion of the tribe of the Democratic party knows the code to open the iPad and the seven seals (no not seven versions of the singer.)” 6. And I saw, and behold, in the midst of the low-flush throne and of the four living creatures and in the midst of the friends of Harry Reid, that guy from Ocean’s Eleven (no not the original, the remake) standing as if slain, or newly  married, having seven horns and seven eyes which are the seven spirits of climate change. 7.  And he came and took the iPad out of the right hand of him who sits upon the low-flush throne.  8. And when he had entered the four-digit code to unlock the iPad the four living creatures and the 24 friends of Harry Reid fell down before the newly-married guy from Ocean’s Eleven (The remake not the classic original) having an electric guitar and golden bowls of incense, which are the prayers of the martyrs of climate change.

The Three Songs of Praise

9.  And they sing a new song (to avoid paying for copyright infringement), saying: “Worthy art thou oh most handsome newly-married man to take the iPad (just don’t upgrade it to IOS 8) and to open it; for thou was single and now are married and hast redeemed for us with the blood caused by your marriage vow out of every Democratic tribe and tongue (the Hispanics) and people and nation, 10. and hast made them a kingdom of Democratic voters and they shall reign over the non-elite.”

11.  And I beheld and I heard the voice of many Democratic voters round about the low-flush throne 12. saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the guy from Ocean’s Eleven (no not the original) to receive power and political office and honor and glory and blessing. 13.  And every creature that is in the heaven of climate change on on Earth and in the rat-infested subways I heard them all saying, “To the Democrat who sits upon the low-flush throne and to the guy from Ocean’s Eleven blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever.”  14. And the four living creatures said, “It is only right. He’s a Democrat!” and the friends of Harry Reid fell down and worshiped him and asked for his autograph.

[To be continued]

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3 Responses

  1. As full of “it” , as they are, they must spend a lot of time on their low flush thrones. I wonder… do they recycle the left-overs?

  2. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but Leo looks a lot like Lenin. He should play him in an American biopic. And what’s her face, the blond from the Woody Allen film set in Spain, looks like Lenin’s long-suffering revolutionary wife Nadezhda Krupskaya.

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