The Apocalypse of Saint Leonardo DiCaprio (Part IV)

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio


1. Preparatory Vision

Chapter Four

The Court of Climate Change

After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in Heaven (which brought in a draft, which forced me to raise the thermostat, which led to sea levels rising, which led to polar bears drowning), and the former voice (please let it not be Michelle Obama) which I had heard as of a trumpet or more like a strumpet speaking with me, said “Come up hither and I will show you things that must come to pass hereafter (providing President Obama gets all the power that Gwyneth Paltrow wants to give him).”  2.  Immediately I was in the spirit (probably from the tranquilizers that everyone in Hollywood takes); and behold there was a throne set in Heaven and upon the throne Al Gore was sitting (but don’t worry it was a low-flush throne that saved energy and did not lead to climate change.) 3.  And he who sat was in appearance like to a very fat man and there was a rainbow about the throne because Democrats are inclusive and favor marriage equality.

4.  And round about the low-flush throne are twenty-four seats; and upon the seats sat 24 friends of Harry Reid clothed in white garments and on their heads crowns of gold (for being members of the elite they are our royalty).  5. And from the throne proceed rumblings and Al Gore saith “Sorry I was eating Mexican” and there are seven Priuses before the low-flush throne, which are the seven spirits of the Church of Climate Change. 6.  And before the low-flush throne there were, as it were, a sea for sea levels continue to rise thanks to Republicans who do not believe in the Church of Climate Change and round the low-flush throne are four living creatures, full of eyes before and behind for the four living creatures represent the Federal government.  7.   And the first living creature was from the IRS and the second from the EPA and the third from the NSA and the fourth from Homeland Security (who did not wear shoes having to take them off at the airport.) 8.  And the four living creatures have each of them power over the non-elite.  And they do not rest day or night saying, Holy, holy, holy, the Federal government almighty, who was and who is, and who is coming.

9. And when these living creatures give glory and honor and benediction to him who sits on the low-flush throne, who lives forever and ever in a mansion in Tennessee with a high carbon footprint. 10.  The 24 friends of Harry Reid will fall down before him who sits upon the low-flush throne and will give him money to buy carbon credits so that their climate change sins may be released. 11.  And they will cast their crowns of gold before the low-flush throne saying, Worthy art thou, O wise prince of the Church of Climate Change who lives in a mansion in Tennessee with a large carbon footprint; for thou has taken our money and created Climate Change companies.

[To be continued]


2 Responses

  1. You forgot to mention the 72 high breasted virgins at al gore Mohammed’s feet. They have no carbon foot prints.

  2. LSP says:

    At last. Gwynny.

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