The Apocalypse of St. Leonardo DiCaprio (Part VII)

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio

Climate change martyr Leonardo DiCaprio

An Intermediate Vision, and the Opening of the Seventh Seal (No, Not the Singer Well Okay Maybe the Singer)

Chapter Seven

After this I saw four Hollywood starlets standing and looking emaciated at the four corners of the earth, holding fast the four winds of the earth, that no wind should blow over the earth or over the sea or upon any tree. Yes I know that’s climate change but the emaciated starlets were doing it for a good reason. 2. And I saw another angel (probably Kate Jackson) ascending from the rising sun, having the seal of the Democratic party; and she cried with a loud voice to the four starlets who had it in their power to harm the Patriarchy, 3, saying, “”Do not harm the earth or the sea or the trees, till we have sealed (at this point I’m confused.  Probably not the singer but I don’t know) the servants of the Democratic party who oppose Patriarchy with some sort of sign, probably a club membership, saying that they are elite.

Blessedness of the Sealed (No, Not This Guy) 

Blessed are the sealed, or Seal, who had Heide Klum which makes him very blessed

Blessed are the sealed, or Seal, who had Heide Klum which makes him very blessed

4.  After this I saw a great multitude which no man can number, women either, though women naturally have a harder time at math of all Hispanic nations and tribes and peoples standing before the low-flush throne and before Al Gore, clothed in those 300 dollar Michael Jordan sneakers. 5. And they cried with a loud voice saying, “Salvation belongs to the Church of Climate Change and to the fat guy who sits on the low-flush throne, and to the Democratic Party.”  6. And all the emaciated starlets were standing round about the low-flush throne, and the elderly friends of Harry Reid and the four living creatures promised them movie roles if they would sleep with them.  And the starlets fell on their faces before the low-flush throne and worshiped the Church of Climate Change, 7 saying “Amen.  Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and strength to the Church of Climate Change forever. Amen.”

The Seventh Seal (Look, it might be the singer might not be get off my freaking back will you?)

8.  And one of the friends of Harry Reid spoke and said to me, “Those who are clothed in the white robes and look emaciated, who are they?  And do you think I have a chance if I act younger?”  9.  And I said to them, “I just threw up in my mouth at the thought of you with them.” 10.  And they said to me, “Tell them that if they invest in Nevada we’ll give them high flush toilets and 100 watt light bulbs.”  11. And they went to service the friends of Harry Reid day and night in hotel rooms and he who sits upon the low-flush throne will release his chakras on the sloppy seconds. 12. The starlets will neither hunger or thirst again, neither shall the sun strike them (heroin chic is a hip look).  13.  For the fat man who is on the low-flush throne will guide them into the fountains of the waters of life (or maybe the fountains of some Vegas hotels) and the Church of Climate Change will wipe away every tear from their eyes.  That is until younger starlets come along.

[To be continued]


7 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The earth saving Hollywood greenies will not rest till every american uses single ply toilet tissue.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      You’re being optimistic. They want to eliminate toilet paper and have us use our fingers. It’s better for the environment.

  2. We are so fortunate to live in a time when the elites want to take care of us. Can I pass the collection plate now?

  3. LSP says:

    But I’m confused, what’s wrong with Seal’s face.

    Mark of the Beast?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    More like the mark of a PO’ed Heidi Klum.

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