Browsing the archives for the Politics category
Already facing stiff opposition regarding their health plan Congressional Democrats at town hall meetings now have to explain the “single payer sex plan” buried on page 927 of the bill. The single payer sex plan is predicated on the assumption that people who do not have sex regularly lead to the rise of health care […]
The Democratic National Committee today unveiled its new slogan: Strength Through Crippling Debt. National Chairperson Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia announced the new slogan at a meeting of party faithful. “This slogan represents all the hope and change that we Democrats are famous for.” Party members applauded the new slogan, the result of a nation-wide […]
The eyes of a restless nation turned to the “Beer Summit” hoping that at long last racial healing would come to America. Instead, mortified they watched as Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police Department arrested a drunk and disorderly Henry Louis Gates as President Obama looked on. Things appeared to get off to a […]
The 30th anniversary of President Jimmy Carter’s famous “Malaise” speech was greeted with feelings of unease, discomfort, and indifference. Many Americans who were alive then and watched the speech on TV when asked about the anniversary responded with “I dunno. I don’t care“, “I would celebrate but my antidepressants sap my energy” and “I’m scared […]
Manhattanhenge, the twice yearly phenomenon where the setting of the sun aligns precisely with the 28.9 degree offset from true east-west of New York’s streets was marred by the injury and subsequent hospitalization of a popular 3rd Avenue bar owner. “I was over by the jukebox talking to one of my regular customers and he […]
America’s 50 state Governors have announced that they will be holding a convention in Las Vegas where they will meet, discuss common issues and, most importantly, “Let our freak flag fly high baby!” From New York, Governor David Patterson, wearing his trademark “pimp suit” of double breasted purple, wide brimmed purple hat with garish feather […]
Computer Scientists working overtime at the FBI have hacked Osama Bin Ladin’s computer revealing tantalizing new clues and surprising new facts about the mysterious and still at large terrorist. Agents were able to use an algorithm to hack Bin Ladin’s email address (sexyman@jihad.com). Once his email was hacked it was easy to follow an electronic […]
Today after traveling to a remote town in Egypt to apologize to a local farmer for the death of his donkey, “A tragedy and I’m sorry”, President Barack Obama realized that he had in fact apologized to every last person on Earth. After an awkward silence that seemed to go on forever the President decided […]
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced today that not only did the CIA lie to her about the practice of waterboarding but that over the years the CIA has engaged in a pattern of “obstruction of truth” with regards to her queries for information from the Agency. Holding an impromptu press conference from her office, […]