Nation’s Governors to Get Their Freak On

Famous freak South Carolina Governor Mark SanfordAmerica’s 50 state Governors have announced that they will be holding a convention in Las Vegas where they will meet, discuss common issues and, most importantly, “Let our freak flag fly high baby!”

From New York, Governor David Patterson, wearing his trademark “pimp suit” of double breasted purple, wide brimmed purple hat with garish feather and walking cane said “Vegas baby!  I’m bringing bitches!”

In Sacramento, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told reporters “The Governator will be pressing the flesh.  Lots of flesh.”

Recently disgraced Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford announced that he will be attending, complete with an Argentinian woman on each arm.  “Once you go South American, you never go back.  I love those Southies, their smiles,  their magnificent gentle kisses, the tan lines, the curves of their hips, the erotic beauty of holding them in the faded glow of night’s light…..the……oh god I’m done.”

The Governor of Pennsylvania, Edward G. Rendell sent an email out announcing that he has changed his mind and will attend the conference.  “I haven’t had a sex scandal.  I feel I’ve let my fellow Governors down.  I intend to use my time in Vegas to full advantage and have already started communicating with hookers on Craigslist.  I will be bringing champagne, vaseline, rubber gloves and a mechanical suction device of my own invention.”

Former Governors Eliot Spitzer and Jim McGreevey will also be attending.  Spitzer remarked that “I have dedicated my  life to reform.  No sloppy sex in alleys for me.  Nothing says reform like a 3000 dollar an hour prostitute.” McGreevey said that he has agreed to disagree with his friend Spitzer.  “For me,  sloppy sex in an alley with a man you’ve never met before, or 5 men you’ve never met before, is what being a Governor is all about.”

Psychiatrists have coined the phrase “Governor Associated Sex”, or “GAS” to describe the phenomenon of recent chief executive sex scandals.  “No one really know what causes GAS, but once you have it, life can become very difficult for those around you” says one psychiatrist.

Even though Las Vegas’ official tourist slogan, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” seems to invite an anything goes atmosphere, many residents are concerned about the visit of the State Governors.  One hotel owner said “Look I’m no prude.  We’ve had many unsavory guests over the years including murderers, rapists and Don Knotts.  But these Governors make me nervous. I’m closing business and leaving town for a couple weeks.”

The last word on the conference has to be that of Wyoming Governor David Freudenthal who said that the meeting is an important chance for the 50 Governors to meet and discuss the problems they encounter.

“I have a lot to talk about.  Also, I hope to get in touch with my inner crossdresser.”



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