After his impressive showing on Super Saturday over the weekend, Texas senator Ted Cruz met with his top advisers to plot a strategy to beat Donald Trump. “We did well” said his campaign manager Jeff Roe. But we have to think long-term. We have to think past the nomination and into the fall campaign.  To beat […]

Like many I watched Chris Christie endorse Donald Trump and wondered, “Why doesn’t anyone help this man?”  Surely there must have been a Navy SEAL team on standby ready to make the extraction? Couldn’t someone in Washington have made the call? What was going through the mind of the hostage Christie?  Who knows the mind […]

The results of the South Carolina primary are in and it’s official:  Blacks love old, tottering, white women with drinking issues. Tottering, drunken, unsteady old Hillary Clinton won 73.5 percent of the vote on Saturday including 86 percent of the black vote. Once the results came in I started pounding the phones and calling registered voters […]

Since Ithaca, New York Mayor Svante Myrick announced that he wants to open a supervised injection facility, residents have experienced a unique and unexpected side effect: an influx of rock stars. “I was looking out my front window and dammit if I didn’t see half the Red Hot Chili Peppers” said a resident. I asked […]

With the sudden death of justice Antonin Scalia over the weekend the potential makeup of the Supreme Court for years to come has been thrown into question. With the court split 5-4 on doctrinal issues an appointment by President Obama will throw the balance in favor of liberals. With this in mind I hereby present a […]

With the primary finally upon him, a badly trailing Jeb Bush, attempting to garner last minute votes, dropped by a local old age home to get out the vote. The lucky recipient of Bush’s visit was the New Hampshire Home for Veterans. Strolling confidently into the break room Bush addressed the assembled veterans. “My pledge to […]

Congratulations on your purchase!  You are the proud owner of a MarcoBot 5000, the latest and greatest in robotic technology. We here at the MarcoBot Corporation feel confident in saying that your new robot will give you years of pleasure. However there are certain things you must know about your MarcoBot beforehand.  Just follow our easy instructions […]

American take their politics very seriously. It is our religion and our political leaders are our priests. In keeping with the American love of rough and tumble politics I am pleased to interview Democratic candidate for president, Bernie Sanders. MI: Good afternoon Senator Sanders. BS: Your greeting to me is elitist. MI: Okay. So wishing you a good […]

Citing the need to strike “a balance” between the needs of its citizens and protecting a heretofore unknown species, Governor Jerry Brown ordered water from California reservoirs diverted to supply fresh water for the Creature from the Black Lagoon (the “Creature.”) “This is a difficult decision I did not make lightly” said Brown. Many farmers will […]

Since the reports of mass rapes in Germany on New Year’s Eve many have asked me if it is possible that it wasn’t rape but just a case of cultural misunderstanding.  Are there situations where rape is acceptable? Having researched the problem I believe I have the answer to that question. There are reports of […]