In shocking news today the beloved Geico gecko, long know for his advocacy of car insurance, was captured and sadistically, ritually tortured before finally being killed by a house cat. Sources say that around 2:25 this afternoon as he was driving his car the gecko stopped and rang the doorbell of Mrs. Wanda Simmons, 75, […]

A recent study of children raised on Mars has come to the conclusion that it is no place to raise a kid.   The isolated conditions, cold climate and lack of creature comforts have lead to an astonishing juvenile delinquency rate.  Studies have found that 45% of children from Mars go on to commit robbery, rape […]

People heard the screams before they saw him.   A cry of “My ass.  I’ve burned my ass off” filled the air.  Then when they looked up people saw Air Force test pilot Captain Jake Brown plummet to the ground still attached to a new prototype jet pack.  A jet pack that had unfortunately not performed […]

Today in Arizona Federal Marshals cornered, shot and killed a Carnivorous Vulgaris, commonly known to locals as Wile E. Coyote. Shortly before 9 AM marshals received a tip that Wile  E. Coyote, one of the FBI’s most wanted, was seen on Interstate  10 near exit 17 chasing an Accerleratii Incredibus, also known as a “road […]

The recent Swine Flu pandemic that has panicked the world has been traced to its point of origin – rock group Pink Floyd.  The W.H.O (no, not The Who, the ground breaking British rock quartet featuring Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey) but The W.H.O (World Health Organization) through their Director General Dr. Margaret Chan announced today […]

Today a jar of extra virgin olive oil, tired of being used and tossed aside by men took a purity oath as several other jars of olive oil looked on and cheered. “I am tired of being taken for granted.  I am tired of men using me for my delicious flavor and then tossing me […]

Despite decades of denial, recently declassified memos have given tantalizing clues about the existence of aliens at Area 51.  The memos cover a wide range from the mundane (how to find a conference room) to diet (aliens do  not like pizza) to the esoteric (the reality of interspecies love). The first memo in the series […]

Congress today authorized the selling of The State of Maryland to a private hobbyist for $13 million dollars. “Frankly, we need the money” declared House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.  “I was rather surprised we didn’t get more but I guess with the economy the way it is prices are depressed. We originally asked for 2 billion […]

Today the tiny seaside community of Paseo Del Mar in Los Angeles was horrified to learn that a bear, 2 wolves, a chipmunk and Richard Simmons in a brazen act of home invasion broke into a residence, ate the vegetarian occupants and then raided the stylish tourquise refrigerator drinking all the beer and wine as well as […]

Manhattan’s infamous flasher was finally caught today.  For the past few weeks citizens have been terrorized by an ugly man in dark glasses and bandages who flashed himself at local fast food restaurants. “I was ordering a cheeseburger when a man approached me” said the first victim.  “He was wearing a trenchcoat and his head […]