Seeking to beat congressional Republicans at their own game, the Obama administration announced today the popular breakfast cereal Lucky Charms has been declared a “controlled substance” and that their mascot Lucky the Leprechaun, will be deported back to Ireland. “Republicans are always saying ‘secure the border’ “ said the President at a campaign rally. That’s […]

With the New York City marathon five months away, organizers vow to carry on as normal despite the recent zombie apocalypse. “A lot of our runners have expressed concerns” said Road Runner president Mary Wittenberg. With the rise of the zombies there have been certain unfortunate incidents, such as when the winner of the Chicago […]

In the weeks since the Washington Redskins were denied a trademark for their name many commentators have spoken for and against the ruling.  Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we applaud the ruling.  I have many native American friends (respectable peaceful ones, not the ones that go on the warpath and scalp the […]

President Obama today issued a sweeping executive order creating the Federal Department of Feline Education. “America faces perhaps no greater threat than feral cats mired in the vicious cycle of poverty” declared the President in a Rose Garden ceremony. Many are familiar with the tragic case in New York City where signs were placed in […]

Tragedy struck the small town of Pleasant Valley New York today as a SWAT team member was injured while taking down a six-year old boy. Sources report that the trouble started when Billy Donaldson, a town resident was eating an ice cone on the curb in front of his house. “We had reports of a […]

As many young people have recently graduated college they may receive employment brochures in the mail.  As a public service to my readers I now present one of them: Hello to all recently graduated college students.   My name is John O. Brennan and I am the director of the Central Intelligence Agency.  Many of you […]

Using my god-given investigate skills I was able to obtain a draft of this yet-to-be-released memo to all IRS employees from their lead counsel.  It is my hope that this document will help us make light of the recent scandals involving the organization: As you may know this has been a rough year for the […]

As anyone who has been kicked out of their favorite bar recently by tons of Eurotrash knows, the so-called “World Cup” is currently being played in the slums of Rio de Janeiro.  (And much thanks to the homeless who graciously agreed to be moved so that the stadiums could be built.) While Manhattan Infidel finds soccer […]

Being a blogger I make it a point to concern myself with questions such as does God exist?  Can his existence be proven or inferred?  Did the delivery boy urinate in my Pepsi? I’ve bought this woman four drinks.  Why hasn’t she agreed to sleep with me? Today I will concern myself with the question […]

After watching the 70th anniversary of D-Day and the infamous interpretive dance of the event it got me to thinking.  Why this prejudice against the fine art of interpretive dance? The sight of hundreds of professional dancers pretending to land at Normandy and dodging fake bullets was profoundly moving.  In fact, I, the Manhattan Infidel, hasn’t […]