Lucky the Leprechaun to be Deported!

There always after me f*cking lucky charms!

There always after me f*cking lucky charms!

Seeking to beat congressional Republicans at their own game, the Obama administration announced today the popular breakfast cereal Lucky Charms has been declared a “controlled substance” and that their mascot Lucky the Leprechaun, will be deported back to Ireland.

“Republicans are always saying ‘secure the border’ “ said the President at a campaign rally.

That’s all they care about.  Keeping immigrants out of this country.  This is a nation of undocumented workers.  So sue me for not enforcing the law.  To show the do-nothing Republicans to be careful what they wish for I have ordered the arrest of Lucky the Leprechaun.  I have also used my pen to declare Lucky Charms breakfast cereal a controlled substance.  Let’s see how the Republicans like that.  I know Boehner eats Lucky Charms every morning.  I know McConnell eats Lucky Charms every morning.  Well until they lay off and stop resisting me no Lucky Charms for them!

Reaction to the President was swift.

In a joint press conference Speaker of the House John Boehner and Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell decried Obama’s actions.

“This president has never been serious about enforcing immigration law” said Boehner.

To selectively enforce immigration laws such as he has just done is sadly typical of this man’s presidency.  Lucky the Leprechaun’s visa has not expired and he is legally able to work as a mascot in this country.  Why is the president deporting him?  Is it because the Irish vote Republican?  And there is nothing in Lucky Charms cereal that would justify making it a controlled substance. Sure it has blue diamonds, green clovers, blue moons and orange and white stars.  And certainly Lucky Charms is delicious.  In fact I must have it every day.  But that doesn’t mean it is addictive or should be a controlled substance!

The Irish Embassy in Washington D.C. has registered an official complaint over the arrest of Lucky the Leprechaun.

Anne Anderson, the Irish Ambassador to the United States said that her country will work for his release.

Immigration is not just a Hispanic issue.  The Irish care very deeply about it. The United States has always stood for freedom and opportunity.  We ask President Obama to use his pen to enforce comprehensive immigration reform. 

The President for his part is sticking to his guns and is vowing to deport Lucky as soon as possible.

Lucky can stay in the country.  Lucky can make a living in this country.  If and only if Republicans work with me.  If not, hey, he’s going to be deported.

Meanwhile Lucky the Leprechaun was arrested and strip searched by agents from Homeland Security.  During the search his personal affects were confiscated.

“There always after me Lucky Charms” said a despondent Lucky.


5 Responses

  1. Hell. let’s deprt everyone to their ancesteral country of origan and let the indians deal with the border problems.

  2. jenny says:

    Re: deporting everyone… there’s the obv problem of mixed heritage. Solution: divide each person proportionately (say, a leg off to Germany, half of me to Italy, and my earlobes to Ireland [the rest just dump in the ocean somewhere]). This’d take care of the supposed population control problem, as well. We might even save the planet. Results all around.

  3. Don King says:

    I say we should take a page from the liberal handbook to solve this problem.

    We should tax all foreigners living abroad.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>