NFL Team Names Are Racist or Something!

The Washington blood thirsty savages!

The Washington blood thirsty savages!

In the weeks since the Washington Redskins were denied a trademark for their name many commentators have spoken for and against the ruling.  Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we applaud the ruling.  I have many native American friends (respectable peaceful ones, not the ones that go on the warpath and scalp the white man.)

Denying the Washington Native Americans a trademark is only the beginning.  We feel that many other NFL teams should not only be denied a trademark but should be forced to change their names.

(Trigger warning:  Offensive terms will be used in the following paragraphs.  Do not read on if you are easily offended.)

The New York Giants

Giants is an offensive term to little people.  Manhattan Infidel has many friends who are little people.  I admire their pluck.  I admire how many of them watch the New York Giants.  How they must silently suffer to have their condition thrown in their face.  Yes I admire little people. Though I find them physically disgusting.  Don’t even get me started on midget sex.  The freaks. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that the Giants must change their name to something less offensive to the majority.  I suggest “The New York Pride.”  The Giants can make up for decades of offending little people by aligning themselves with the gay pride movement.  (Just don’t let the horny midget bastards into your locker room.)

The New England Patriots

I can’t begin to describe how offensive this name is. Patriots implies pride in America. And how can anyone have pride in America?  A country that denies little people their rightful place in society (as long as it’s not in my shower.)  I suggest “The New England Ashamed of America.”  Such a name would go a long way towards healing our country of the divisions caused by racism and those who believe in limited government.

The Cleveland Browns

At first glance this name doesn’t appear to be offensive.  But think about it.  Cleveland Browns. This name disgusts all those like myself who live on the east coast and pride themselves on being part of the elite. I suggest changing the name to “The Akron Browns.”

The Pittsburgh Steelers

What kind of offensive right-wing value judgement is this name? How about “The Pittsburgh Redistributors”?  Redistributing is much better and compassionate.  What?  Steel?  Not steal? What’s your problem?  Are you a midget?  Don’t you dare set foot in my shower!

The Dallas Cowboys

This name is so offensive on many levels.  It’s gender specific and exclusionary.  Cowboys are genocidal and killed millions of native Americans (the peaceful ones, not the blood thirsty scalping tribes).  I suggest either “The Dallas Cowpeoples” or “The Dallas Gay Marriages.” Either name will be acceptable to those of us in the east coast elite.

The Minnesota Vikings

Viking were tall, fair haired men of northern European origin.  Obviously they were racist.  I suggest changing the name to “The Minnesota Mexicans.”  Mexicans are swarthy.  And short. Though not as short as midgets.

The Philadelphia Eagles

Don Henley is an asshole.  And he slept with Stevie Nicks.  I suggest changing their name to “The Philadelphia Styx.”  Dōmo arigatō misutā Robotto!

The Green Bay Packers

The name isn’t gay enough and doesn’t reflect the advances made in gay rights.  I suggest changing the name to “The Green Bay Fudgepackers.”  By doing this Green Bay will send a signal to the NFL that is glories in gay sex.  Just not with midgets.

This just the first step.  Much more must be done to make the NFL less offensive.  Winning and losing are patriarchal concepts and must go. Also, how about some transsexual cheerleaders?


6 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Don’t even get started on baseball teams. If one group is the “Yank-ees” then who are corresponding “Yank-ers”? This is extremely belittling to glorify the recipients while totally ignoring those actually offering the handjobs.

  2. Better yet is do away with all competitive sports, including the most dangerous competitive sport of them ll; politics. Competition means there has to be a winner and a loser and that is bad. Then we can all hold hands and sing folk songs and the government will give us free stuff.

  3. Bob Agard says:

    What would we do without proper guidance from you east coast elitists?

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