A New Year’s Message From House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi

Greetings little people of America!

 

 

 

 

 

 

As 2018 approaches I have been asked to turn my blog over to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) who has a message for the American people.  Take it away Nancy.

Thank you Manhattan Infidel.

I’d like to address the American people directly and let them know everything the Democratic Party does for them.

With the 2018 midterms around the corner it is important that Americans not forget that the Democratic Party shares the same values as they do.

  • Americans like paying higher taxes. We like higher taxes (Did you think you were entitled to keep your money?  Ownership is theft!)
  • Americans like science. So do Democrats. After all it is the Democrats and not the Republicans who believe in the settled science of climate change. It is the Democrats and not the Republicans who recognize all 31 genders. Republicans only recognize two. Two genders! Where’s the science behind that?
  • Americans are a religious people and are flocking to the beliefs of the prophet Mohamed. Islam after all is the religion of peace. We Democrats find great comfort in religion. Why the modern Democratic party itself is a religious instrument through whom all good graces of the State overflow onto its citizens. The prophets of the ’60s gave the Democratic party its belief structure, which is pure and with no admixture of error. So you see Americans, your belief in a higher power is something we in the Democratic Party leadership have in common. Your only mistake is praying to Jesus instead of the Party, which as has been established, is divine. Since you are already a praying people it should be easy for you to direct your prayers to the Democrats, the one true source of good.
  • Americans are ashamed of their military. So are the Democrats. When we gain control of the house in 2018 we intend to rein in military spending and use the money that would have gone to the military for social safety net programs.
  • Americans are ashamed of their ingrained racism. That is why after we gain control of the House will will apologize to Japan for World War II. The Japanese, as a peoples of color, have legitimate historical grievances against the white man. The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was an expression of the Rage of Color. We urge Americans to take a Japanese person to lunch or plant a Japanese tree. This is the best way to remember those blown apart on the Arizona or those who died when their air pockets ran out on the overturned Oklahoma.
  • Americans are a generous people and love giving their money away. Redistributing it as it were. So does the Democratic Party. And when we gain control of the House in 2018 we will take more of your money. 
  • And finally, and most importantly, Americans are internationalists and will gladly subsume national interests if they conflict with the moral authority of the international community.

So you see people of America. You have nothing to fear from a permanent Democratic supermajority.

Thank you.

Nancy Pelosi

Um. Thank you Nancy. I’m sure your message will resonate with voters in 2018.

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