Island of Misfit Toys Bought by U.S. Navy; To be Used as Target Practice

Bombs away!








The Island of Misfit Toys, home to toys unwanted by little boys and girls, has been purchased by the Navy.

“This is a good purchase for us” said Secretary of the Navy Richard Spencer.

The island is strategically located and the Navy needs a place for target practice. Puerto Rico won’t let us use Vieques anymore. Damn Puerto Ricans. But anyway we are going to bomb the hell out of this island and leave it a smoldering wreck. And there are no Puerto Ricans on the island to annoy us. Believe me we checked.

King Moonracer, erstwhile leader of the Island of Misfit Toys explains why he accepted the Navy’s offer.

“They gave me lots of money” said Moonracer (pictured here).

I’m tired. The hell with these toys







And King Moonracer could use an infusion of cash right now. I’m deep in dept. Kings don’t make much money. I don’t care what you’ve heard. Sure I get a stipend but I have a lot of overhead. I have to fly around the world and pick up all the misfit toys to bring here. And I have to arrange garbage pickup. I have to make sure the electrical grid is working and water flows. Infrastructure is a pain in the ass man. It’s 90 percent of my job. And the misfit toys?  They’re a pain the ass man too. You’d think they’d be happy to be here. I saved them from living in dumpsters. But no. All they do is whine and say they want a home with boys and girls. You’re misfit toys! No one wants you! Can’t you get that through your thick skulls?

Now freed from his responsibilities on The Island of Misfit Toys, King Moonracer plans on relocating to Santa Barbara, California.

I’m going to spend a lot of time on the beach, do some roller skating and maybe meet some hot southern California women. It’s going to be an easy life. I won’t have to worry about infrastructure and most importantly not a damn misfit toy in sight. It’s going to be paradise.

Dolly named Sue, the spokesman for the misfit toys still left on the island seemed pleased with the transfer of ownership.

“I love Navy men” said Dolly named Sue.

I love Navy men







They are so nice and whenever they are on the island they always buy me candy and nylons. And a girl needs nylons. None of us really liked King Moonracer. He was distant and didn’t build relationships with us. You know, like former Yankee manager Joe Girardi. But the Navy guys are always here measuring stuff. I asked them if they are measuring things to build and they said “No ma’am we are sighting the island so our bombs will reach their targets.” I have no idea what he meant by that. It’s probably not important.

As for the Navy, they begin bombing the island after the New Year.

“It should be a piece of cake, especially if there are no Puerto Ricans” said Spencer.


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