Frosty the Snowman Announces He is Gender Fluid!

Gender is a fluid thing









Frosty the Snowman, beloved anthropomorphic talking pile of snow with a corn cob pipe, button nose and two eyes made out of coal, announced today that he self-identifies as gender fluid and wishes to be known as “Frosty the Snow Z/She.”

“This is a difficult and complex world we live in” said the popular Snow Z/She.

We all have to travel the road of life alone with many of our questions unanswered. What is the meaning of life? Is there a god? Why do children love me so much when I never wear any pants? It was while I was pondering these questions that I discovered my conflicted sexuality. I have a man’s voice. Or Bea Arthur’s voice. The kids who follow me around treat me like a male authority figure, albeit one who is naked. But do I feel like a man? That is the question. And the truth is I don’t.

But while not identifying as a man Frosty did not identify as a woman either.

But I didn’t feel like a woman. I mean I had no penis but since when did having a penis define what it means to be a man? Many men have vaginas. Just ask any college kid. So I thought about it. That’s when I decided why settle on one gender? Why can’t I be both?  Or none? Or all 31 scientifically recognized genders? And what is gender but a bourgeois conceit? Yes I said it. The patriarchal paradigm is injuring our kids and forcing them into a binary male/female dynamic! We are restricting our children to a life in black and white! Little Billy is five years old and enjoys playing with GI Joes.  Well those are dolls. It’s a scream from within. He’s saying he wants to put on a dress. Why can’t we put him on hormone blockers so his testicles never drop?  Little Sally is a tomboy who likes wearing jeans and roughhousing. Can’t we have her experiment with wearing a strap on to see if she wants a biological penis? It’s a question of social justice!

Frosty’s new alt-left, Marxist sexual gender philosophy has left many scratching their heads.

“And to think we trusted him with our children” said one parent.

When my daughter first came to me and said “Daddy can I play with the talking snowman who doesn’t wear pants?” I said “Sure, why not.” If you can’t trust your preteen daughter with a pantless man who can you trust her with? But all this gender fluid crap just isn’t normal. I don’t want him around my child anymore!


Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news


Beloved, pantless, gender-fluid snow Z/She Frosty has been murdered by enraged parents.

“They attacked him with hair dryers” said an eye witness.

“He melted right before me. His last words were ‘Somebody help me. I’m gender-fluid but that doesn’t mean I want to be liquid.’ “


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