I hate rabbits

After a thorough investigation by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, Yosemite Sam was charged today with lying to the FBI.

“We asked him point blank if he hated rabbits” said a member of the Special Counsel.

We know he hates rabbits. He won’t admit to it because if he admitted it that would be a hate crime. But not admitting to it would be lying to the FBI. So we had him either way.Naturally we preferred to get him for lying to the FBI, since that is a far greater crime and we could use it to squeeze President Trump. So when he said he had no problem with rabbits we charged his ass immediately. After all we have witnesses that said he called Bugs Bunny a fur-bearing varmint and that he was going to use force against him.

Many have speculated that if President Trump had ordered Yosemite to lie about his hatred of rabbits this could spell the end of Trump’s presidency and the beginning of impeachment proceedings.

“We are building an obstruction of justice case against Trump” said Dianne Feinstein (D-CA).

Everybody knows Trump asked Comey to go easy on Yosemite Sam. Now why would he ask that unless he knew we had the goods on Sam and it would damage Trump politically? He was asking Comey to drop the investigation into Yosemite’s hate crimes. That’s obviously obstruction of justice. I hope Yosemite goes to jail for a long, long time. His kind disgusts me. His love of guns, his toxic patriarchy, his meat-eating. His meat-eating of rabbits. If we can use him to get to Trump, who is the greater threat to our way of life, then so be it.

If convicted of lying to the FBI about his hatred of rabbits Yosemite Sam faces up to 12 years in jail and a fine of $100,000.

Many are speculating that now that he’s been charged, it’s only a matter of time before Yosemite turns on Trump and offers Mueller everything he wants to know.

“Yosemite now has the full weight of the United States government on him” said an FBI source.

And we’re going to do what the United States government does best. Crush private citizens like bugs. For the good of the State. I mean we don’t do this because we enjoy it. Well we do but that’s just secondary. And once Yosemite is crushed and whimpering he’ll give us all the information we need to know. Who cares if what he tells us about Trump is true or not. As long as we can use it to get Trump. Look I know lying to the FBI is a crime, but it’s not a crime to lie to the FBI when the lie is what we want to hear. Then it’s truth. Or something.

Las Vegas has current odds of 7-3 that Trump will be impeached on Yosemite’s testimony.

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