This is CNN, the most trusted name in fake news

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing the head of CNN, Jeff Zucker.

As many of you many of you may know CNN is currently embroiled in a scandal involving a story they ran on a Russian investment fund with ties to Trump officials. The story has since proven false and those involved in the story, Thomas Frank, who wrote the story in question; Eric Lichtblau, an editor in the unit; and Lex Haris, who oversaw the unit, have all left CNN.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Zucker.

JZ: Good afternoon inconsequential blogger who has never had dinner at expensive restaurants with the elite of America.

MI:Um. Right. Let’s get right to the story my readers want to know about. You are the head of CNN

JZ:The most trusted name in news.

MI: CNN published a story last week about an investment firm with ties to the Trump administration. This story has since proven to be false and three CNN employees had to resign. Would you care to comment on this?

JZ: Sean Spicer is a coward and he should open up the press briefings to cameras.

MI: Okay back to my question. The story was retracted and CNN employees had to resign because the story did not meet CNN’s editorial standards. What exactly are CNN’s editorial standards?

JZ: An excellent question. I’m surprised a non-elite working class blogger such as yourself has the intelligence to think of it.

MI: Wait. Did you just call me –

JZ:  At CNN we pride ourselves on having the highest editorial standards.

MI: What exactly is CNN’s process for determining whether to run with a story?

JZ: It’s quite simple really. So simple even an non-elite such as yourself could understand. Any story that will embarrass Republicans or Donald Trump has to have exactly one anonymous source. Zero sources are even better. Sometimes we go out of our way to create stories.

MI: Create stories? How?

JZ:  Let me give you an example. We paid that guy to hang out around the ballfield in Virginia that the Republicans practiced on. We were hoping he’d catch those alt-right white nationalists having sex with each other. Instead he decided to shoot them. A nice touch. And you know what’s even nicer? That alt-right nationalist cisgender Steve Scalise was saved by a femqueer.

MI: What? So you make stuff up.

JZ: If that’s what you deplorables call it. We are the most trusted name in news.

MI: You paid James Hodgkinson to case out the ballfield and you never suspected he’d shoot the place up?

JZ: Like I said it was a nice touch.

MI: This is amazing.

JZ: Hold on. My phone is going off. [Answers phone].  Really?  Really? Run with it! Run with the story! We have to break with this story before MSNBC does!

MI: Breaking news?

JZ: We have zero anonymous sources who say that Trump is a Romulan spy and Melania is a transsexual. Oh boy! This is going to bring down his presidency. And CNN broke the story first!  Sorry but I have to cut this short. I’m needed in the newsroom.

[Zucker leaves]

MI:  Okay well bye then. I’ll just finish up here.

You know I wish I were an elite and not a deplorable. Then I’d understand the ways of the mainstream media. I’ll guess I’ll just have to settle for being the most trusted name in news.

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