Yankees Defeat Rangers After Two Hour Rain Delay in Extra Innings in The Battle of the Japanese Superstars!

“So one of my supporters shot a Republican. Russian interference in our election will do that” ~ Bernie Sanders

A rainy night in the Bronx

Coming off a recent rough patch where they lost eight out of nine games the Yankees started a homestand against the Texas Rangers Friday night. It was the battle of the Japanese superstars as the Yankees started Masahiro Tanaka (5-7 5.74) and the Rangers Yu Darvish (6-5 3.35).

But first the rain had to stop.  After a nearly two-hour rain delay the game finally started shortly before 9 pm. Both starting pitchers were unhittable. It was good old-fashioned baseball the way it was meant to be played.

Yu Darvish pitched seven innings of shutout ball while striking out ten and Tanaka pitched 8 innings of shutout ball striking out nine. The first run scored was in the top of the ninth. Arnoldis Chapman gave up a single to  Elvis “Has Left the Building” Andrus. He then moved to second when Nomar Mazara was hit by a pitch. Andrus then stole 3rd and scored on a pass ball.  1-0 Texas after 8 1/2.

Would this be the end? Would the Yankees blow a recently rare good pitching performance by Tanaka?

Have no fear. Brett Gardner is here!  In the bottom of the ninth he hit a home run to tie the score. So we were going into extra innings.

Brett Gardner ties it in the bottom of the ninth!

The Yankees finally won it in the bottom of the tenth when unsung hero Ronald Torreyes singled home Gary Sanchez. Final score 2-1 Yankees. Game ending time:  12:27 am.

Matt Bush (2-3 3.38) took the loss for Texas while Chasen Shreve (2-1 1.74) was the winning pitcher for the Yankees.

Notes on the game:

As mentioned earlier there was a two-hour rain delay.

Fun things to do at Yankee Stadium during a rain delay:

  1. Approach a ten-year old kid and say “Your mom is hot! Is she into it?”  Hey, it’s not your fault if the kid starts crying.
  2. Start a sing-a-long. I suggest Rodgers and Hammerstein: “Oh the farmer and the cowman should be friends……”  
  3. When at the urinal point to the penis of the man in the next urinal and say, “You should see a doctor about that.”  Now there may be nothing wrong with the man’s penis but, and this is important, you’ve planted a seed of doubt in his mind.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “In a RAID configuration multiple disks are combined together to improve performance, reliability or both” didn’t fire up the crowd.  I bet you don’t even know what RAID stands for you savages.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “She could not confederate, even with the independent, free-trading island of Manhattan.”

Hey, watch it, sir!

C.H.E. of filthy, fetid, foggy, humid, alligator-overrun Florida writes, “The moneyed men of New York  would say the credit of the government had been violated.”

Well you know we moneyed New Yorkers. We’ll say anything to get you to sleep with us. Hey, you said violate. You brought it up. And I do mean “brought it up.” Wink wink.

M.P.A. the notorious confederate sympathizer who may be going over to the other side writes, “I present a petition of legal voters of Oswego County, New York remonstrating against any legislation under or by which the local institution of slavery may be extended into any of the Territories of the United States, whether south or north of the old Missouri compromise line.”

You said “legal voters.” Why are you so anti-immigrant you racist!

Recommended reading material:

The Barnburners: A Study of the Internal Movements in the History of New York State and of the Resulting Changes in Political Affiliation, 1830-1852 by Herbert D.A. Donovan, Ph.D.

My record stands at 4-3 this year. My next game is Tuesday July 4th against the Toronto Blue Jays.

That’s right. This white nationalist is going to celebrate our Independence Day with a baseball game. You can’t get more American than that. So suck it liberals.

Oh, and if things go right the Yankees will beat a Canadian team. Damn Canada. Like that’s a real country!

Go Yankees!



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