Rome Sacked by Visigoths; Emperor Honorius Orders Colosseum Bathed in Light From Different Colored Torches; Says Rome Will Not be Defeated, Love Conquers Hate and That We Should Hug the Person Next to Us!

We need immigrants!

Responding to the first sack of Rome in over 600 years, the Emperor Honorius has ordered the Colosseum to be bathed in lights from “a diverse set of colored torches to symbolize the diversity and tolerance that made Rome great.”

“Rome is the greatest and most advanced civilization ever” said the Emperor.

This sack by a small group of radicalized Visigoths is not a reflection of the Visigoth people. Visigoths are the tribe of peace. I know many on the alt-Latin right have called for us to close our borders and restrict immigration. We must reject these voices of intolerance. There are those who blame the Visigoths and call them inferior. They say that sacking is part and parcel of Visigothic culture. I reject this notion. There are those who say the Visigoths must adapt to our culture and adopt Roman law and custom. Again we must reject those who call for this cultural appropriation. Visigoth culture is beautiful. I have several Visigoth slaves and I learn every day just from being around them. We Romans must open our hearts and welcome the Visigoths. Immigration is what made Rome great. Well that and togas.

Beginning tomorrow and for the next week the Colosseum will be bathed in a magnificent spectacle of light from thousands of torches. The emperor has also ordered signs reading “Amor Vincit Odi” placed around the city as a reminder to Romans not to retaliate against the Visigoth population.

Still not all are happy with the official proclamations of the Emperor. A small but growing number of Romans were shocked and alarmed by the sack, particularly the rapes.

Some of Honorius’ generals have asked permission to head north into Visigoth territory and punish the tribes.

The emperor however has publicly rejected that idea.

We Romans must go about our normal lives. That is how we win. By doing this we show the Visigoths that, while our city may be sacked, bodies may be piling up in the street and our virgins defiled in ways even I haven’t thought of. we are a virtuous and forgiving people.

He has also ordered the resumption of pagan festivals in the city to appease the ancient Roman gods.

We have forgotten what made Rome great: the protection the gods gave to this city. We have angered them by inviting in the Christian god. It is no coincidence that the basilicas of Peter and Paul remained untouched by the Visigoths while the tombs of our emperors were opened and their ashes scattered. Christians are an intolerant people and do not share our values.

Finally as a sign of how seriously the emperor takes the Empire’s commitment to diversity any Roman who is caught making disparaging comments about the Visigoths, either orally or in writing, will be fined and their business taken away from them.

“Be careful what you say” said Honorius.

“You may not think you are being offensive but a Visigoth may take offense at your words and begin to believe that Romans are not a generous and inviting people. Romae terminus stat pro Patefacio!”



2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Mr Gorbachev, I mean Emperor Honorius, tear down Hadrian’s wall and close the vomitoriums since the Visigoths have been using them for urinals; not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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