As Scandal Deepens Commissioner Gordon Denies Bat Girl is His Daughter!

Has Commissioner Gordon been using his daughter to fight crime?

As the debate over paramilitary masked crime fighters deepens in Gotham Commissioner Gordon has come under fire because of rumors that Bat Girl is his daughter.

With Republicans on Gotham’s city council asking for an investigation, Mayor Linseed has asked for Commissioner Gordon to step down.

“As the Democratic mayor of Gotham I fully support our fine police force” said the mayor.

Our police force, our public servants have a tough job. They have a thankless task protecting our city from crime and the last thing we need are costumed vigilantes undermining our police force, their union, or their loyalty to the Democratic party. I have repeatedly asked for taxes to be raised so I could hire more officers. But my calls for higher taxes have been rebuffed by the Republican-controlled city council. It is in this context that I must ask Commissioner Gordon for his resignation. 

When informed that the mayor had asked for his resignation, an angry Commissioner Gordon threw his reading glasses across his office and called the mayor a “cowardly mafia Democrat politician.”

I should have known better than to take this job. I’m a lifelong Republican. I have never voted Democrat and I hate the Democrat’s inner city machines. They are corrupt. But when Linseed was elected he appealed to my patriotism and civic duty. “Come be my commissioner and we can have broad bi-partisan support for my tough on crime policies.”  I guess I should have suspected that he was only using me for political cover.

Gordon continued his rant by calling Chief O’Hara a “mole.”

I was compromised from day one. O’Hara was appointed by Linseed. I didn’t want him. He’s an Irishman and you know how they are. The constant leaks from my office to the press could only have come from him. I support Batman and Robin. And Bat Girl, whomever she may be. Yes they wear masks. Yes they are outside our fine civil service system and as such owe no loyalty to the  political party in power. Just look at the results. Crime is down in Gotham because of Batman, Robin and Bat Girl, whomever she may be. I take pride in that and see no reason not to support them.

Gordon finished by lamenting the state of politics in Gotham.

I had no political experience before taking this job. I’ve made tactical mistakes. Politics is a deep game. I thought the city council would be on my side. They are Republicans just like me. But they only thing they care about is embarrassing  the mayor. That’s why they are coming after me. Well they’ve succeeded and the Linseed fired me just to cover his own corrupt butt. It makes me sick. Whatever happened to the spirit of high-minded public service? It’s all partisan politics nowadays.

The now-former Commissioner has stated that he has no immediate plans but will now testify in front of the council at their hearings into city use of masked crime fighters.

“If I can ruin that son of a bitch Linseed I will. I know things! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going home to have dinner with Bat Girl, I mean my daughter. I have no idea who Bat Girl is.”


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