“I invented baseball to collude with the Russians” ~ Abner Doubleday (as reported on CNN)

Wednesday night in the Bronx

After losing the first game of their series against the Bahstahn Red Sawks behind Suddenly Sucking Tanaka the Yankees hoped to win game two.

The Yankees started Carsten Charles Sabathia (7-2 3.66) while the Red Sawks started last year’s Cy Young award winner Rick Porcello (3-8 4.46).

The Yankees scored their first run in the bottom of the third when The Netherlands’ favorite son Didi Gregorius hit a 1-0 pitch into the Yankee bullpen.  1-0 Yankees after three.

In the bottom of the fourth Starlin Castro led off with a triple. Gary Sanchez then singled him home. After Didi Gregorius flied out to left field Chase Headley singled. Chris Carter then hit a 1-2 pitch for three-run home run.  5-0 Yankees after four.

In the bottom of the seventh Brett Gardner reached first on an errant (I love using that word, so adult-like) throw by Bahstahn second baseman Josh Rutledge. He then stole second and later scored on a Matt Holiday single. (The bald brothers working together again.)

The bald brothers

6-0 Yankees after seven.

The yankees scored two more runs in the bottom of the eighth on Chris Carter and Brett Gardner singles.  8-0 Yankees after eight innings.

And that was the final score.

Carsten Charles dominated, pitching eight innings and only allowing five hits. His stuff was fooling the Bahstahn hitters as evidenced (another adult word) by the fact that all five people Carsten Charles struck out did so looking with the bats on their shoulder.

I guess sobriety is agreeing with Carsten.

Jonathan Holder pitched a one-two-three scoreless top of the ninth to close the game.

Notes on the game:

There are always lots of Bahstahn Red Sawks fans in the Stadium when they come play the Yankees.  Annoying people these Red Sawks fans. They come from Bahstahn and pahk their cahs all over the damn place. I for one refuse to live in a world where Bahstahn fans can pollute The Bronx with their cah pahking.

When elected President I shall order Boston firebombed.

Where is Bald Vinny? Normally a staple in the bleacher and the leader of the roll call he has not been seen this year.

Perhaps he is busy colluding with Donald Trump and the Russians?

Two Bahstahn fans were sitting next to me in the bleachers. They cheered whenever Aaron Judge struck out.  I hope their cah gets towed.

Best heckle of the game: I tried but my heckle of “The /etc/apt/sources.list file and the files in the /etc/apt/sources.list.d directory specify the repositories APT searches when you ask it to find or install a package” didn’t fire up the crowd. I expect this Linux ignorance from Bahstan fans but not sophisticated Noo Yawkers.

One of the perks of attending a Yankee game is not having to listen to their TV announcers. I’m looking at you David Cone. Just. Shut. Up.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “After installing the necessary services to get my desktop to be a client on the LDAP server it crashed with a ‘You are in low graphics mode’ message and now I can’t log in. What should I do?”

This is a known bug. You’re going to have to edit your nsswitch.conf file. Change the “Group LDAP compat” line to “Group compat.”

C.H.E. of filthy, foggy, humid Florida writes, “There is an alligator in my head and it’s not me.”

What the hell has this to do with Linux? Are you high woman? I’m going to need a urine sample.

M.P.A of confederate-sympathizing Maryland writes. “I am for abiding by the Constitution and put down Mr. Lincoln and drive back his advances upon Southern Institutions.”

Um. Okay.

Recommended reading material:

LPIC-2: Linux Professional Institution Certification Study Guide.

My record stands at 3-3 this year. A good win and what a fitting way to celebrate what would have been Thurman Munson’s 70th birthday.  Thurman Munson. Great catcher. Shitty airplane pilot.

My next game would have been this Sunday June 11th against the “Bawlmor” Orioles but seeing as your humble correspondent is a deplorable and not a member of the open borders, global elite crowd I will be working that day.  The next game I will be able to go to will be Friday, June 23rd against the Texas Rangers.

Go Yankees!

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