In the week since the deadly man-caused incident at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England your humble correspondent has been burning the phones attempting to find answers to why it happened and what was the motivation of the alleged bomber Salman Abedi. I now present the facts that I have come up with so far.
And remember, Manhattan Infidel is the most trusted name in news.
Was this a terrorist attack?
No one knows for sure. Muslims often carry bombs and/or pressure cookers in their backpacks to defend themselves against the Crusaders. Perhaps his backpack exploded prematurely because a Christian was talking on his cell phone. Oh these Crusaders are a sneaky lot!
What have the police in Manchester told you about the man-caused incident?
I spoke with Manchester’s Chief Constable Ian Hopkins many times during the past week and he assures me that there are absolutely no Muslim rape gangs active in Manchester. He also lamented the rise in hate crimes against the Religion of Peace™ since the man-caused event.
A rise in hate crimes against Muslims? This is very disturbing! What has caused this spike?
You know how intolerant the white man is.
Indeed. They are a hate-filled people clinging to guns and religion. But what else could have caused the incident?
I thought so. Why would Donald Trump do this?
To distract attention from his imminent impeachment for high crimes and treason.
I am ashamed of America. Why did they vote for this man?
There are a lot of white people in America. Fortunately they will soon be a minority and replaced by the peace loving victims of color.
Thank god for that. This will ensure a Democratic super majority and usher in a socialist workers paradise in America
It will be the Age of Aquarius. And Hillary Rodham Clinton will be our community organizer and she shall lead us into the promised land.
So the root cause of the man-caused disaster in Manchester was?
Haven’t you been listening? The bitter, clinging Crusaders, led by Donald Trump, are responsible for the man-caused incident. And Donald Trump now feels free to initiate a genocide that will be even greater than Hitler’s was and that has never happened before!
But didn’t Stalin kill four times as many as Hitler?
Technically yes, but we like him. He instituted economic progress on a socialist model in the Soviet Union. So a few people had to die. Probably bitter clingers anyway.
What about the suspected bomber, Salman Abedi?
The Manchester Chief Constable now believes that “Salman” never existed and the real bomber was a blond haired, blue eyed man of northern European origin. Swiss perhaps.
Thank you for all these facts. Is there anything else I should know?
Yes. There are absolutely no Muslim rape gangs in the United Kingdom. Sure a few Muslims have been arrested for having sex with underage girls and boys but that was just a cultural misunderstanding. Repeat: There are no Muslim rape gangs in the United Kingdom. So if your daughter gets raped or genitally mutilated don’t blame Islam. And definitely do not commit a hate crime against the followers of The Prophet.