I’m only looking out for my subjects!

King Andrew of New York once again showed his benevolence towards his subjects by issuing an order banning any travel to the backward state of North Carolina.

“What I do I do with no pleasure but out of a sense of duty” said the ruggedly handsome, virile God.

Here in New York State we believe that men with penises have the right to use a woman’s restroom. This backward, hate-filled state of North Carolina has just passed a law stating that people must use the rest room of the sex that is on their birth certificate.  I ask you what sort of state passes laws as illogical as that? I thought that in the 21st Century we had gone beyond male and female sexual identity. There are more than two sexes. And in New York self-identified women of any gender can use the ladies room. Now I’ve never tried to pee sitting down. I imagine there would be some anxiety about bending and breakage but thanks to the Affordable Care Act all transgendered can now have surgery paid by the rich if that happens.

The reaction to King Andrew’s order has solidified his standing as a front runner to get the 2016 Democratic nomination.

“This created unstoppable momentum for him” said DNC chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

The Democratic Party has always stood for one thing:  Equal opportunity for all. Except when we were having the Klan lynch blacks. But that’s in the past. And as the party of equal opportunity we believe every person who self-identifies as a woman should have the right to use a woman’s rest room. It will teach young pre-teen girls not to be afraid of men with penises who are wearing woman’s clothing. Biology is a beautiful thing.

With the possibility that the neither Hillary Clinton nor Bernie Sanders might have enough delegates, a brokered convention might result in King Andrew getting the nomination.

Let’s face it.  Hillary will probably be indicted and no real Democrat likes socialism. Sure we cry “socialism socialism socialism” for the college kids but we are all fat, crony capitalists. Um, I probably shouldn’t have said that. But anyway if Andrew does get the nomination all Democrats would be comfortable with that. Men. Women. Women with penises. Men who self-identify as women. We will all get behind him and campaign for him. And I’m not just saying that because I’m scared of him. He totally did not threaten to make me sleep with the fishes.

Wishing to be pro-active the DNC has released possible slogans for Cuomo’s run for President:

• Let’s free ourselves of bathroom and gender tyranny!
• Pointing upward to an erect future!
• I am a woman with a penis and I vote!

If Cuomo is nominated he promises to be the President of “All of America.”

“Except for North Carolina of course.  I’m gonna send Luca Brasi to make them an offer than can’t refuse.”

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