Why Donald Trump? Why?

A series of coordinated explosions rocked Brussels today killing 30 and injuring at least 100.  As first responders sifted through wreckage looking for survivors attention was focused on the likely perpetrators.  In the immediate aftermath Donald Trump as emerged as a prime suspect.

In Cuba, where he was meeting with Raul Castro, President Obama strongly condemned Trump.

This is what happens when hate is allowed free reign. While there is as yet no evidence that Donald Trump, his followers or the Republican party are responsible for this I have ordered the arrest of Mr. Trump for his own safety. I have also ordered the FBI to investigate the financial transactions of Trump and his election committee. We must stop attacks like this from happening. Also it must be noted that Trump has allies in the so-called “Tea Party” movement. These teabaggers will be rounded up and placed behind bars. For their own protection. Because when a righteous progressive nation rises up against hatred these people will not be safe. I just want to prevent further bloodshed.

From Rome, his Holiness Pope Francis blamed the attacks on climate change and capitalism.

This is a tragic event and I will pray for all those who lost their lives. With Easter just five days away we must remember that all human life is sacred. Though obviously pharisees and other right wingers throughout Europe and in America are less sacred than progressive life. Why did these attacks happen? Unfettered capitalism that has lowered the standard of living throughout the world. Yes, I’m talking about Donald Trump and his racist followers. They have an irrational hatred of all peoples of color. Belgium is home to many Muslims. This is why they attacked.  Also in keeping with my last encyclical I blame climate change.  Because of climate change sea levels are rising and many in Belgium have had to move inland to Brussels.

Throughout the United States, SWAT teams mobilized to raid Tea Party headquarters.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson told reporters that he is “prepared  and on high alert.”

The images coming in from Brussels sicken me. When I saw the horror and the chaos and the bloodshed I said “I have to arrest someone!” So accordingly everyone who has contributed to a Tea Party organization will have their doors kicked down at 3 am, concussion grenades thrown in and they will be taken away. For their own benefit. To prevent further bloodshed. The Constitution gives me the right to do this.

Before departing Cuba, President Obama closed his press conference with the following remarks.

There are those who will try to blame Muslims for this latest act of terror. This is wrong. We must not let the hatemongers win. We must not let people like Donald Trump win. That is why I am issuing a special executive order that will allow Muslims from around the middle east to migrate to America. We need their special talents. Today more than ever. Indeed Islam and the United States go back to the founding fathers. They all had Korans. It is time we rediscovered their love of Islam and this special religion.

President Obama also ordered the suspension of Habeas for the duration of the emergency.

“Lincoln did it to save the country. And so will I.”

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