We at Ye Olde New York Times Salute Jeremiah and his brave stand against climate change

Dateline 600 B.C.E Ye Olde New York Times

We here at Ye Olde New York Times have been following the career of controversial “prophet’“Jeremiah for some time.  We have been displeased with his anti-gay marriage stand as well as his obsession with private, sexual sins.

His repeated calls for repentance from the people of Judah have been a stain on public discourse and his intemperate language has led to fears of possible violence by his followers.

However recently Jeremiah has begun speaking about climate change.  We at Ye Olde New York Times support him on this.  We’d like to take this opportunity to print a part from from one of his recent speeches:

Judah mourns,
    her cities languish;
they wail for the land,
    and a cry goes up from Jerusalem.
 The nobles send their servants for water;
    they go to the cisterns
    but find no water.
They return with their jars unfilled;
    dismayed and despairing,
    they cover their heads.
 The ground is cracked
    because there is no rain in the land

Surely we have never read a better lamentation about the troubled climate conditions in Judah today!

The science is settled on this.  The climate is changing for the worse in Judah.  We’ve experienced some of the hottest years on record. Obviously the cause is human activity.

The population of Judah has expanded beyond the land’s capacity. Chariots crisscross the land. And who knows how much they contribute to warmer temperatures.

We at Ye Olde New York Times call for action to stop the increasing threat of climate change and call upon the Prophet Jeremiah to lend his moral weight to the anti-climate change crusade.

Imagine the climate benefits that could accrue to our land if Jeremiah would stop preaching about personal sexual sins and instead concentrate on preaching about the biggest sin today: global warming.

We call upon Jeremiah to tour the land with his new message of climate containment.

Perhaps all the religious leaders of our land will follow Jeremiah’s example and liberalize their message.

A united  religious-government front is the only way to end the sin of climate change.

We here at Ye Olde New York Times ask Jeremiah to go further. Perhaps he can ask the people to give more taxes to the government?  (As this is the only way we at the editorial board of Ye Olde New York Times see to raise the money to end climate change.)

The Editorial Board of Ye Olde New York Times

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