Spectre to Rebrand and Go Public!

Spectre will be expanding and becoming competitive in the 21st Century!

Spectre will be expanding and becoming competitive in the 21st Century!

International criminal organization Spectre (Special Executive for Counter Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion) announced at its annual meeting that they will be expanding and going public.

“The old days when we were the only criminal organization in the game are long over” said Spectre’s Chief Operating Officer, Ernst Stavros Blofeld (pictured here in a file photo).

We must adapt to changing circumstances.

We must adapt to changing circumstances.

What with ISIS, Putin, the Clintons, safe zones, Bernie Sanders, the EPA and young socialists everywhere we have stiff competition in the evil department. Drones are cutting down on our counter-intelligence profits and revenge and extortion are not money makers anymore, what with everyone having nude photos on their phones. Truth be told we were losing money. It’s time to come up with a new organizational model.

Accordingly Spectre will be adding an Information Technology Department, dropping revenge and extortion from its portfolio and going public.

Hiring a bunch of underpaid, stressed-out I.T. workers and farming them out as contractors is the forefront of evil today. We intend to get into this game. I’m just angry I didn’t think of this myself. We certainly wasted a decade on revenge and extortion when we could have been cornering the managed services market.

Spectre will be changing its name to “SpecTros!”

It sounds more modern than Spectre and it has the advantage of sounding like a drug company. Everyone knew what Spectre was. But SpecTros! It’s anonymous. That could be an advantage in the evil business. We’ve also hired a marketing firm to modernize our logo. I originally wanted an apple but Steve Jobs beat me to it. So right now a pomegranate is the leading candidate to become our image.

SpecTros! will also become public in May and currently its IPO is 72 dollars a share.

Our accountants are confident that we can bring in a couple hundred million just from the IPO. This will help us enter the managed service market in New York, Boston, Philadelphia and Los Angeles. And it will enable us to hire hundreds of senior level and junior level technicians and pay them 25 to 30 dollars an hour while the clients pay us 100 dollars an hour for our services. I tell you, evil is fun. That’s why we do it. I feel like a kid again at the thought of our mark up.

Blofeld will be coming to New York City at the end of March to promote SpecTros!.

Normally I’m a behind the scenes kind of guy. But during the IPO I will be the public face of the the company and need to generate publicity. I’ll be ringing the opening bell at the stock exchange and throwing out the first pitch at Yankee stadium. I’m also going to appear on the Tonight Show. My people are writing some jokes for me to use on the show. I’m hoping to become known as the witty face of evil.

Shares of SPecTros! can be bought online at Spectros!newfaceofevil.com


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Thanks for the tip. Nice one.

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