Famous man with penis Caitlyn Jenner has been named the face of MAC Cosmetics.

“When I first decided to become a woman I dreamed of a moment like this” said Caitlyn.

Being a cosmetics spokesman is something all women do. I am a woman now. I am all woman.  Well, except for my penis but that’s just a small thing. I mean a technicality. But as a full woman, granted one without a functioning vagina, I am pleased and proud to be getting my own lipstick line. I hope all woman, including those biologically born as such who don’t have penises will be inspired by my experience.

On its website MAC Cosmetics announced the details of their partnership with Caitlyn.

Today MAC is proud to announce a partnership with Caitlyn Jenner, who is all woman despite what the haters say. The lipstick created by Caitlyn, Finally Free Except for my Penis Which Doesn’t Mean I’m Not All Woman, is part of our transgender initiative to improve the lives of non-biological woman.  Woman who are all women except for their Y chromosomes. But Y chromosomes are something only haters care about. Here at MAC Cosmetics we care about the transformative power of beauty and what it finally mean to be free. Except for a penis. 

The first commercial for Finally Free features video footage of Caitlyn with the following voiceover:

She’s screen-goddess beautiful. She is on a mission to do good. And at 6’1” (6’5” in heels), one gets the distinct impression that she could leap a tall building in a single bound, if she wanted to.  She probably could. Except her penis might create a drag if she tried to leap a tall building in a single bound. And then she’d explode into flames. So women, do not attempt to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Especially if you still have your penis.

Caitlyn’s brand of lipstick is reportedly “flying off the shelves.”

“Yes. They are flying off the shelves” said a local merchant.

No. I haven’t been warned to say that. I am saying it of my own free will. Flying off shelves. Totally flying off shelves. Women want to be like Caitlyn. Granted they might not all have penises but other than that Caitlyn is almost like them. What?  I mean why would I say that? I”m sorry.  Caitlyn is just like them. Caitlyn is a woman. All woman. Her penis does not define her. Was that good enough? So you’ll release my family?  They’re safe?

The Obama Administration has announced a new initiative called “Flying off the shelves.”

“We will be closely monitoring the sales for Caitlyn’s lipstick” said an administration spokesman.

Those stores that do not have acceptable levels of sales will be deemed “hate stores” and those who own such franchises will be held liable and face possible fines and jail time. There is no place for hatred in America!

As for Caitlyn she remains proud of her accomplishment.

“I can’t tell you how excited I am. But I am very excited. So is my penis.”

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