Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Do a Bad Thing!

The faces of evil

The faces of evil

Superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were photographed coming out of a Subway sandwich shop in Glendale California.

According to reports the couple ordered two Meatball Marinara footlongs, kids’ meals for their younger ones, and a chicken teriyaki sandwich.

When news reached the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ that the power couple had gone into a Subway instead of eating kale or some approved vegetarian food we had no choice but to spring into action.

Heretofore we have respected the couple’s privacy and left them alone (well, except for the times we wrote about them.)  See here Guest Commentary from Brad Pitt and here Angelina Jolie Chops her Breasts Off and here Angelina Jolie has Every Internal Organ Removed.

But now that they have decided to come out as carnivores we can no longer hold back our righteous progressive scorn.

They could have been an example to the world.  They could have practiced gender fluidity. They could have encouraged their pre-teen children to cross dress and save their money for sex reassignment surgery. They could have welcomed illegal immigrants from Mexico with open arms (as long as the Mexicans weren’t driving that is.)  They could have personally given up showering so more water would be available for the Delta Smelt fish. They could have lain down in the road while screaming “Meat is Murder!”

But no.  They did none of this.  They chose to buy marina footlongs (which are only 11 1/2 inches long actually) and a chicken teriyaki sandwich.

With this evidence of their non-progressive depravity revealed we must ask what else have they done?  What else have Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie done that we don’t know about yet?

Are they secret Nazis?  Do they wish for the rise of Hitler again?

Perhaps they are Republicans?

Perhaps they support the second amendment?  (And if this is true then they are directly responsible for the deaths of Dylann Roof’s victims.)

Perhaps they engage in consensual penis in vagina sex?  (Though that is a misnomer.  All penis in vagina sex is rape.)

Perhaps they favor publicly flying the Confederate flag (that notorious hate symbol!)

Perhaps they favor so-called “free speech” which is racist and an excuse to commit hate crimes.  (For as all progressives know speech must be monitored and controlled.)

In short we here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ condemn Brad and Angelina before the bar of history.

They must be shunned.  Do not associate with them.  Do not buy their products. Shun them like the non-kale eating reprobates that they are.

Drive them from the public stage.

And this boycott must remain in effect until an apology is received from the pair.

Or until Angelina Jolie sends me some nude pictures of herself (from before she amputated both her breasts.) Because if I want to see a woman with no breasts I’ll look at photos of Caitlyn Jenner.

America is united in this!  Boycott now!

Our righteous fury knows no bounds!


4 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    I’ll continue to shun them. And I promise the if Brad comes too close, I’ll knock that @#$%^& hat right of his meat-eating head!

  2. Petermc3 says:

    Brad in an obvious attempt to mock his formerly 36 D, was heard chanting “shave and a haircut two bits I got a girl with two tits. “

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