Internal organs and patriarchy! Two things I can do without

Two years after her controversial decision to have both of her breasts removed because she has a gene that makes her predisposed to contracting the disease, Jolie has had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed for the same reason.

“Further tests showed that I was predisposed to getting other cancers” she said in a written statement.

At first I didn’t know what the Fallopian Tubes were.  I thought it might have been an ’80s new wave band.  But then I found out they were internal organs females have. So I told my doctor, “Cut them all out.  Just cut them all out.” Because of this I have been forced into early menopause and will no longer be able to bear children.  Brad supports me 100 percent.  I think.  I’ve been getting hot flashes and mood swings so he’s been kind of avoiding me, the male supremacist son of a bitch.  Isn’t that just like the patriarchy?  Sticking us with internal organs that will give us cancer!  No man has ever gotten cancer of the fallopian tubes. Why is that?

After having her tubes and ovaries removed Ms. Jolie discovered that she might also be prone to kidney, liver, pancreatic and stomach cancer and had those organs removed as well.

Because these organs are no longer present she must stay hooked up 24 hours a day to machines that will filter out her waste.

“It’s not a fun existence” she told reporters.

But I believe that all woman must have these organs removed at once if they want to live.  The patriarchy is everywhere and has many weapons to use.  Let’s not let them use our internal organs against us. I urge all woman to remove these organs now.  Brad supports me 100 percent on this.  Though I don’t know why I would need his approval.  He is a man and as such probably approves of female cancer.

After having her kidney, liver, pancreas and stomach removed Ms. Jolie further discovered that she is at risk of having a heart attack.  She immediately had her heart removed and replaced by Ringo Starr.

“Ringo keeps a steady beat. I know he will keep blood pumping throughout my body” she said.

It’s a shame I had to have my heart removed.  But I guess that’s just the heartless game the patriarchy plays with us weak and helpless women. Brad supports me 100 percent on this.  I think. The last time I spoke to him on the phone he said he was going over to Jennifer Aniston’s house for “full internal organ sex.”

After having her heart removed Jolie discovered that she was still at risk for torso cancer.  She then decided to have her head removed and placed onto a robot.

I wish I didn’t have to do this.  But I want to be safe and live a long life for my children.  And with advances in medical technology having my head cut off and placed on a robot was easy.  Brad supports me 100 percent on this.  I think. Though the last text he sent me was of him and Jennifer Aniston role playing.  She looks good in a nurse’s outfit. I texted Brad back to have her internal organs removed and he replied, “I’m pulling out now honey.”  I guess that means he’s helping her remove her organs.

Angelina has been named People Magazine’s “Sexiest human/robot hybrid” of 2015.

“I hope to resume acting soon” she said.  “If the patriarchy will let me.”

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