The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part IV)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

Barack left Martha’s Vineyard and went again into Hollywood.  And he was of necessity to pass through the San Fernando valley.  He cometh therefore to a city of Palm Springs.

Now wearied from his journey, Barack sat thus by a well.  There cometh a woman to draw water.  Barack saith to her: Did you build this well by fracking and without EPA approval?

Then the woman saith to him: I need water.  Barack answered and said to her:  If thou didst know the gift of socialism and environmentalism and who he is that saith to thee, did you build this well, then thou perhaps would have asked of him and he would have given thee living or sparking water.  Or maybe Pepsi. 

The woman saith to him:  Sir, we have no water for judges have ordered the diverting of streams to help the Delta Smelt fish: From whence then has thou living or sparkling water?  Barack answered and said to her:  Whosoever drinketh from this well hates the environment.  But the sparkling water that I shall give them, probably San Pellegrino since that’s my favorite brand, whomever drinks from it shall be deemed a friend of Barack.  Just be sure to recycle the plastic.

Barack saith to her:  Go, call thy husband, and come hither.  The woman answered and said:  I have no husband.  Barack saith to her:  Thou has said well.  For thou has had five baby daddies. The woman saith to him:  Sir, I perceive that thou are very progressive and compassionate and nonjudgmental.

Barack saith to her:  Woman, believe me, that the hour cometh when gay marriage will be legal throughout the United States.  

Barack is spirit, and they that adore him must adore in spirit and truth and socialism.  The woman saith to him:  I know that transfer of wealth cometh.  

Barack saith to her:  I am the spirit of wealth transfer who am speaking with thee.  And immediately his disciples in the mainstream media came: and they wondered that he talked to a woman, for they are only good for sexual pleasure and should be tossed aside after the act.

In the mean time the disciples in the main stream media prayed him, saying:  Smartest man in the world, eat.  But he said to them:  I have meat to eat which you know not.  The disciples therefore said one to another:  Is he sneaking hamburgers again so Michelle won’t find out?

Barack saith he that reapeth receiveth a just living wage, probably at least 15 dollars an hour for flipping burgers.

And the residents of Palm Springs were come to him, they desired that he would tarry there.  And he abode two days.  In a five star hotel.  And shut down traffic in the entire town.  For security purposes.

And many more believed in the spirit of redistribution because they were afraid of angering the Federal government.

Now after two days, he departed thence and went into Hollywood.

And when he was come into Hollywood, the movie stars received him, having believed in transfer of wealth.  Just not for themselves.

And there was a certain celebrity, whose lover was sick.  He having heard that Barack was come over, went to him and asked him to heal his lover, for he had a discharge from his genitals. The celebrity saith to him:  Barack, come down before my lover discharges again, for it is very gross. Barack saith to him:  Has he signed up for Obamacare yet?  If so he will live as long as he can suffer the long wait to see a doctor.

And as the celebrity was going down, his assistants met him, and they brought word saying, that his lover had actually been able to successfully register on the Affordable Care website.

He asked therefore the hour wherein he was able to register.  And they said to him:  Yesterday, after seven hours of trying.

The celebrity therefore knew that it was at the same hour that Barack said to him:  Has your lover signed up for Obamacare yet?

And he believed in Barack.

This is again the second miracle that Barack did.


5 Responses

  1. Blessed be The One. May he lift his golden putter on high and bestow upon us free condoms and smart phones. Amen

  2. petermc3 says:

    And Chris Matthews, besotted once again with the words of the messiah, came to sense his trouser pant legs anon drenched in Miracle Whip.

  3. petermc3 says:

    And Chris Matthews, upon once again hearing the words of his messiah, felt his trouser pant legs drenched in Miracle Whip.

  4. bob agard says:

    I hope God will forgive me, for this is the only Scripture I have read today.

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