Manhattan Infidel Addresses the Income Inequality Crisis™ Which is Threatening to Tear America Apart

Let's protect our socialist republic!

Let’s protect our socialist republic!

Like most Americans, recently I have been obsessed with those photos I sent to Olivia Wilde. Did she get them?  Why hasn’t she responded? the scourge of income inequality.

For it is income inequality that is the biggest threat to American strength and vigor.  Oh I know certain “tea baggers” claim it is our insupportable debt.  But because they disagree with yours truly intelligent Americans can dismiss them as racist.  And so I now use today’s post to address the income inequality crisis.

First – The historical background

Our founding fathers were concerned with income inequality.  That’s why they started the revolution.*

When our constitution was written a citizen of Philadelphia asked Ben Franklin what kind of government had been created.  Franklin responded, “A socialist Republic where income shall be taken from the rich and redistributed to the poor.” **

George Washington’s farewell address talked about the dangers of “Permanent alliances and income inequality.” ***

During our Civil War it was the South, not the North that had moral superiority on their side. After all, slavery is a perfect socialist system.  The plantation owners used their excess income to provide food and shelter for their beloved and well-treated slaves.  It was the capitalistic north, led by the money-grubbing pig Abraham Lincoln that invaded the sacred soil of the South and destroyed their perfect economic system. ****

Next:  The present crisis

Never in the history of America has there been a wider gap between the haves and the have nots. *****

The rich are getting richer.  And unless it’s Steve Jobs (who was cool) or our favorite athletes or rap stars the pursuit of riches is evil.

And so with morality and social justice on my side I now present my ideas on how to solve the Income Inequality Crisis™ Which is Threatening to Tear America Apart.

The Solution

As I see it the way to solve income inequality it to punish individual initiative (which we all know is racist.)

Therefore under my plan anyone who makes over $200,000 a year will be forced to watch the sitcom Brooklyn Nine Nine.  Seriously.  How did this turd become a hit?  Did the writers of What’s Happening!! finally get another job in Hollywood?

I believe that by being forced to watch Brooklyn Nine Nine those evil money-grubbing capitalists who make more than $200,000 a year will repent and give their income away, thereby alleviating the Income Inequality Crisis™ Which is Threatening to Tear America Apart.

I believe that once this is done, everyone in America will be guaranteed an income of $199,000 a year.  Critics may scoff and ask “How will we pay for this?”

It’s simple.  A punitive tax on all those who make more than $200,000 a year. ******

This is my plan to end income inequality. I hope that congress takes up my plan and implements it.

I just want my fair share, as Charlie Brown’s sister once said.

All I want is my fare share!

* It’s been awhile since I was in school but I think that’s why they started the revolution.

** While this quote cannot be found in Franklin’s collected works, it rings true. Franklin was compassionate.  Hence, he was a socialist.

*** I haven’t read Washington’s farewell address but being a member of the intellectual elite it sounds like something he’d say.

**** I’m not ignorant.  I’m a liberal.

***** MSNBC said so. It’s true.

******  But if people making more than $200,000 a year are punished to the point that they no longer make that who will we tax?  Hey I was an English major in college but I did take one economics course.  So don’t worry.  This makes perfect sense.



2 Responses

  1. Great plan, my friend. I think the answer of how to pay for it is to tax the rich everywhere in the world and not just the American rich. Hey, we have plenty of drones, right?

  2. bob agard says:

    Once again you have solved a major American problem, and once again I have excerpted and linked to your brilliance:

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