Pope Francis, In Nod to Conservatives, Calls Jesus “Son” of God

This man has been taken prisoner by the patriachy

This man has been taken prisoner by the patriarchy

In an obvious conciliatory gesture to conservatives in the Church, Pope Francis today publicly called Jesus the “son of God.”  

While Francis has often used this language in private, this is believed to be the first time he has used this phrase in public.  Vatican watchers are divided as to what the change means.

“This is a startling phrase” said the Religion editor for Rolling Stone magazine.

A phrase that many might find offensive. I would have preferred he had used the phrase “spirit of the universe.”  The fact that Pope Francis, a liberal like us, would resort to such language is troubling.  Perhaps he is simply trying to mollify conservatives and we should not read too much into it.  Or perhaps he has been taken prisoner in the Vatican.  Yes, that seems the more likely scenario. From the moment he was elected in a free and democratic process he has tried to reform the Church.  He has tried to rid it of centuries of useless dogma and beliefs.  For him to use the phrase “son of god”, in public no less, means he fears for his life.  Some of the more traditional Cardinals have obviously threatened him.  I’d pray for him myself but I’m an atheist.  Yes, I know that seems weird since I am the religion editor at Rolling Stone but the only reason they gave me that title is because I have George Harrison on my iPod.

At the Sisters Opposed to Patriarchy, the mother superior of peace is alarmed.

We used to look at him as an ally. He was going to appoint female cardinals.  He favored gay marriage.  But this?  Calling Jesus, who may or may not have existed, no one can really tell, a man?  Why couldn’t he use a less offensive term like calling Jesus the feminine teat of social justice?  This is a shot across our bow.  The patriarchy is everywhere!  You can’t hide from it!  Obviously the patriarchy at the Vatican has gotten to Pope Francis.  This makes my feminine flower garden of all delight weep.  And not in a good sense like when I’m listening to Melissa Etheridge or K.D. Lang.

In Washington it is rumored that President Obama is considering air strikes on the Vatican to free Pope Francis from the grips of conservative patriarchy.  White House press secretary Jay Carney had this to say about the crisis:

The President is monitoring the situation very carefully from the golf course. He is concerned that the Vatican may clamp down on religious freedom.  If a surgical strike becomes necessary we will first align ourselves with Muslim rebels in the Vatican. But we will not be putting boots on the ground. Except for the Muslim rebels of course.

Vatican watchers have looked for clues to the situation from Pope Francis’ Twitter account.  His last tweet was “Cardinal Secretary of State Pietro Parolin is a doofus” has many convinced that war is inevitable. Said the Republican minority leader in the Senate Mitch McConnell:

If the Democrats want to bomb the Vatican that’s okay with me.  I always do what’s best for the Democratic party.

President Obama is expected to call an emergency cabinet session to address the crisis after he finishes his 18 holes.


3 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    In an unexpected move to align himself with the global warming crowd the pope is now referring to his chakras as vortexes. Darrell Issa has launched an investigation.

  2. I think it is a bold move by El Papa. It is about time in this politically correct age where all odd ball groups are considered equal and everything they do is to be tollerated that conservatives are also a group that should be tollerated, at least, as much as pedafiles.

  3. bob agard says:

    Once again Manhattan Infidel has alerted us to a shocking cultural tragedy. Linked and excerpted here: http://bobagard.blogspot.com/2014/01/patriarchy-invades-vatican.html

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