I am innocent! Innocent I tell ya!

In the week since an independent arbiter handed down a historic 162-game suspension for Alex Rodriguez, attention has focused on what the New York Yankees will do next.  Will they allow AROD to come to Spring training?  Will AROD have to feed himself his own popcorn?  And most importantly, who will play third base for the Yankees in 2014?

Using the latest in sports statistics technology I have compiled a short list of those who may be able to help the Yankees as they fight for the championship a .500 record in 2014.

• Wade Boggs 
  

  A viable option at third base or pure evil?

Boggs will only be 56 years old in 2014, which still places him well within the Yankees’ age range.  Though he never hit with power his on base percentage was always good.  If need be a cardboard cutout of Boggs can be placed at third base if he needs a break.  On the downside, he has red hair, which makes him evil.

• Craig Nettles 
  

  Power good. Ten year contract bad!

Perhaps the greatest Yankee third basemen ever, who can forget Nettles’ heroics against the Dodgers in the ’78 World Series.  Always a power threat, he will make up for Rodriguez’ absence.  The downside?  Nettles will be 71 this year and his insistence on a ten-year contract has the Yankees worried.  “He’s not getting ten years.  He’ll be 80 when the contract expires.The best we can give him is an eight-year contract” said Yankee GM Brian Cashman.

• Clete Boyer 
  

  Existing as pure spirit as I do now will make me lighter on the basepaths.

A practitioner of hard-nosed old-fashioned baseball, Boyer anchored the Yankee infield during their early ’60s pennant runs, having his best year in 1962, playing in 158 games and batting .272 while scoring 85 runs.  The downside?  Boyer is dead, though being free of his body and existing as pure spirit may make him lighter on the basepath.

• Stonewall Jackson 
  

  His aggressiveness may help the Yankees.

At first glance having the famous Confederate general play third base may seem a bit odd, given Jackson’s known hatred of everything Yankee and, like Boyer, he too is dead.  However Jackson is a fierce competitor and was known as being a very aggressive and offensive-minded general.  “We need someone like that in the lineup” said Cashman.  “We don’t know how many games Jeter will be able to play this year and Jackson could be the spark that ignites our offense.”

• Admiral Ackbar 
  

  It’s a trap!

The foremost leader in the rebel alliance, Ackbar can spot a trap a mile away.  This ability of his will come in handy if any opposing player tries to use the hidden ball trick on the Yankees.  On the downside, Ackbar is fictional.  “So he’s fictional.  So was Bobby Richardson, and look how good played for us” said Cashman.

These are just a few of the options the Yankees have at third base this year.  But no matter who they choose, replacing Alex Rodriguez will be a daunting task.

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